Gross

Well hello there.

For those that still actually read this.  Or haven’t deleted it off your RSS feeds due to inactivity.  I know I’m supposed to be posting more.  I thought I’d confess the real reason there aren’t many blog posts.  No, it isn’t Facebook.  Fun, yes, but only so much so.  FB can’t take my attention away from blogging and I admittedly spend more of my time on FB checking to see if that damn panda couple has decided to give a little panda baby or two to the ‘my zoo’ cause yet than actually updating my status.  Well… except with my kindle.  For some reason my life seems way more exciting when updated on FB through my new kindle.

Anyway, no, it isn’t really FB that keeps me away from here.  It is also not, I’ve discovered, this other message board for surrogates that I have found a lot of support and information through.  No, the real reason is because I post on here to share what I’m thinking in my head and I haven’t really been wanting to share that lately.  I haven’t been liking that much lately.  Between the cycling demands and the anemia and the ‘who the hell knows where motivation comes from anyway’ of my life I’ve not been living up to my standards.  I’ve been gaining weight and not working out and blech.  I feel disgusting and the pictures I’ve seen lately don’t help.   So the question is, what can I change?

Cycling = hormones = little if any weight change in the right direction.  My first time weighing myself in a LONG time was this morning and I was back up to 181.  Gross.  While much of the cycle curse is hormone related, it is also emotional.  We did a transfer back on August 28th and have been waiting and hoping for good news and what we got was ‘iffy’ news which eventually moved on to ‘bad’ news.  A beta of 6, followed by a beta of 19, followed by a beta of 14.  That 14 finalized the string of really sad beta numbers for us and to this very day I’m waiting to miscarry for what will be my very first miscarriage ever.  I have no idea what to expect.  All shots were stopped on Thursday and now Monday nothing yet has happened.

Obviously, I can’t do anything about not working out after the transfer.  It is too important to get that + result to risk fate by pushing myself in other directions.  I’m also nervous about my anemia (last tested on Thursday to be at 10.5) affecting the results so I have been allowing the red meat meals way more often than I normally would’ve.  On a side note, my hemoglobin number has gone up in the exact same steady rate from the point of the twins’ birth to today no matter what I do in supplements, eating habits, or working out so I’ve decided that I cannot give my body MORE iron and expect it to raise my hemoglobin faster.  Thus, I’ve decided to hell with all the red meat meals that are killing my health in every other aspect.

What I can do is to accept that if I don’t put in the effort to workout while cycling I’ll not only stay the same weight, but I’ll go UP.  And I’ll feel bad while doing that.  To that extent, I can make CERTAIN that I get to sleep on time (my biggest trouble) so that I can get a workout in the next day without feeling like I’m propping my eyes open most of the day.

I can also accept that while I feel like crap on a number of levels in this failed transfer with my IPs, I don’t have to wallow.  If I were ever in a pageant and there was a talent section, I think I’d have to showcase guilt.  I mean, damn, I’m GOOD at that.  You’d almost think I was catholic or something.  Not sure really, how one would go about that.  Maybe I’d stand and recite haikus on all the things I should’ve done better in my life.  I mean, you can know in your head that a single failed transfer is no big deal.  I know we will get there.  I know statistically it is, in fact, likely that out of two transfers, one will fail so we just move on the next one.  Still, every little bump feels a little like a cosmic message of “And you thought you were such hot shit.  This’ll teach you.”  But really it doesn’t.  I still end up thinking that I can rock through every little fertility obstical course and break records and do impossible things.  That’s what I’m signing up for:  to give these IPs the PERFECT pregnancy.  That, people, doesn’t include a failed transfer.  You can’t sign up to be the fertility lifeguard and help people manage the crazy waters of infertility if you’re not a pro and experts don’t fail.  But I did and yes, I’m wallowing.  So I do really need to kick myself back into gear with my regular life and keep it all on track.  We will still get there, even if I’m not perfect, and in the meantime it’d be best if I kept my own life commitments to myself.

I did get to the gym today.  (Note that I’m also blogging today – no real coincidence, I’m sure.)  I did the elliptical because I fear that I’m way too out of shape to do much good with running.  I got to use my new kindle while working out and it is SOOO much nicer at the gym!  It was an OK workout with a sucky weight check at the end but oh well.  I would like to get back to running but I’m just so BAD at it that it feels like a big old yellow highlighter on the ground that I’ve lost in my fitness from last year. 

So, on other notes, you’ve heard me mention the kindle.  Yes!  My IPs showed up in California for our transfer with this amazing gift in hand!  I’m over the moon about it and I don’t think I’ve left the house without this since getting it.  As awesome as this item is and as much as I’d like to spend a good 3 pages highlighting exactly why I love it so much, I will rather say simply that it is amazing that R and M could know me so well, in such a short period of time, to get something this special for me (not to mention GENEROUS!).  It is very touching how open these two are as people.  It is like they just fold you into their world and accept you as a member of their family – even if you are a bit pudgy around the edges.  And not perfect.

So you asked…

Alright.  Here is what I have to share about my newest surrogacy:

Shortly after posting that I had to decide what I wanted to do, I figured that if I wanted the perfect IPs to walk up and wave in my face, I should at least do something to help them.  It was pretty clear to me that there wasn’t any family or friends making the call.  I placed a VERY small ad at SMO stating simply that I was a GSX1 (gestational carrier times 1) and looking to do another gestational surrogacy.  I had been contacted by a few people that were all very very nice and it is, I tell you, heart wrenching to know that there are a lot of people out there that you could help but you have to pick ONE.  Eventually though, I did make that choice and I will forever feel bad about the ones that I didn’t pick.  Sorry, I just will.  I hope that they find their carriers and beautiful outcomes all the same.

So, M and R answered my ad.  A truely sweet couple, I was drawn by the amount of time and heartache they have gone through to have this family.  I was drawn by M’s endearing, optimistic way in which she recounted her path.  I was also drawn by how open and accepting she was towards surrogacy and ART in general.  She said to me once, “It would be like being pregnant with my sister.” and my heart melted towards her.  THAT is what I was looking for.

The problem is that they do not live in MN.  I was also looking for someone that lived near us to give me that inclusion that I craved.  I had to work that out with myself because in the end I decided that really, feeling included is a personality thing and not a location thing.  I will very much miss the weekly get togethers and the frequent visits in person, especially at each appointment as I love watching the new family grow.  In exchange for that though, I have someone who is almost as obsessive about calling and talking to me as I am about them.  This is a huge plus because then I don’t have to feel like a giant pain as I intrude on their lives.

So no, no agency.  Speaking of that, I do need to get a cheap MN lawyer who will agree to review the contract in my name so you surros out there, feel free to send me some names.  I feel empowered though, to be doing this myself.  No dumb little surrogate girl that is being told what to do and how to do it by a pandering agency.   No one telling me that they aren’t going to require the IPs to have a psych screening because it isn’t right to require someone to take a test to be a parent.  The IPs and I are on equal footing and are equal partners in this story and that is just what I want it to be. 

Today?  I got to do a sonohystogram for the first time.  It was pretty much cake although now I’m nervous about uterine infection after reading about the sonohystogram on some blogs.  My uterus was stamped all clear so that’s one more step completed.  Also, just for the record, I’m NOT a fan of the plastic speculum.  I don’t care if it isn’t as cold.  Not that I’m a big fan of the metal ones either, but at least the metal ones were smoother, if you catch my meaning.

Also today?  I ran another 3 miles.  This time I completed it in 38 minutes.  Still slow, but getting better.  I figure I’ll just do the best I can until the transfer time.  So, if I don’t get back to my 165 pre-pregnancy weight, I get to just not gain those pounds during the pregnancy, right?

Stacy and Clinton, WTF?

Seriously, I cannot understand how I have not been accosted by this fashion duo yet.  Every morning I go to get dressed and have to deal with the effects that this:
My Weight Chart:

has done to my closet.  Your body doesn’t do this while your closet stays normal.  I have literally clothing in every size from 10 to 22.  Some maternity, some not.  Some hanging up, some shoved on the shelf above the rack, some shoved in drawers and some just on the floor.  Of all of these clothing items, only a fraction actually fit me at any given time and because it is all so flux – it is usually NOT the items hanging up that fit.  Add to that the fact that MN can go from 30 below to 100 above in a matter of weeks and you see my dilemma.  Add to that the fact that I have ZERO fashion sense and manage to wear the most inappropriate thing possible and you see even more how perplexed I am to have not been asked by some twitchy looking market research person about my personal sense of style.

As for Stacy and Clinton – seriously – I’m a woman working full time in a male dominated computer field with three kids and a military husband who has carried twins for two married gay men and is starting surrogacy #2.  I have lost a daughter at 39 weeks.  I share embarrasing and questionable facts about my life with no regard to privacy and I’m a solstice celebrating pagan.  I’ve also lost 70 pounds in a quest to better myself.  How I have reached 34 years of age and NOT been on TV is a mystery to me.   Forget Stacy and Clinton, Oprah, are you not paying attention???

So anyway, the benevolent scale has today given me 172 which shocked the hell out of me but I’ll take it.  I’ll take anything I can get while on birth control pills before this transfer.  I just did a 30 minute run on the bike today as I was up way too late on the phone with my IM last night.  I love that we all can talk so great and oddly I don’t really feel that tired but I opted to not try something that involved standing up this morning.  I always think the bike is the wussy workout but I was sweating quite a lot by the time I was done.

I suppose…

That it won’t kill me to post another blog.  The trouble is, once it has been a certain amount of time, you feel like you need a title and post subject to sum up EVERYTHING that has happened since the last post and it is very overwhelming.  Well, it would be, if you were more exciting than me anyway.  For me it is just embarrassing as you would THINK there was more to post about.

I do have some exciting things, I guess, so I’ll try to hit what I can recall.

Workouts:  I kinda suck in this regard but oh well.  I have been able to run!  YAY!  My heel has healed and I was finally able to get a 30 minute run in even though it was oh so slow.  I’m pushing to get 5.0 MPH which is a 12 minute mile which is, sadly, sad.  Generally I spend some time walking during that and/or setting the treadmill to 4.8 or 4.9 but all the same, running I have been doing.  Today, in fact, I made the full 3 miles for the first time although it took me about 38 minutes.  Also?  I almost died.  I walked it off for a bit and did my stretching to cool down before attempting to walk down the stairs to the locker room as passing out and nose diving down the stairs is probably not something that would have people in the gym looking at me thinking “How cool is she?”  I thought I was fine once I got down to the locker room but when I was in the shower I started feeling rather ill.  Now, I’m no germ freak or anything like that but all the same, to be feeling bad enough to actually sit down in a public shower is a big deal, I think.  Ick, but at least I did not pass out.  As for the weigh-in, I was dreading this because I hadn’t weighed in for over a week because I had stopped hitting the gym when I went on my trip to MD (to be disclosed later) and between the trip and the drinks and the not-perfect food consumed I was certain my weight would be high.  Anyway, before I left my weight has been super stubborn in moving at all even though I’m quite certain the calories in vs calories out prior to that was sufficient to have lost at least an impressive 4 pounds since my last posting.  Instead, I had been going up and down such that I was about 176 before I left.  Today I gingerly glanced at the scale results with a pre-emptive cringe on my face and was shocked to see 174.  Huh.  Go figure.

Other fronts?  Well, I’m thinking there is no way to get back to my 165 or under before I do another surrogacy round because I have to say, I’ve been matched!  I’m working with a couple from NY, M and R, who are extremely excited to get going NOW.  My OB has OK’d another pregnancy as long as the transfer is after August 3rd and thus a year after my last one.  I’m a little nervous about how soon it is but my new IPs have been working on this for so long and I will do what I can to help.  I’m a bit nervous about the distance but hopefully it will all work out as they are very active in the communication department and I certainly don’t feel isolated.  I already like my new RE WAY WAY WAY better than the old one so that is fun.  I got a call last night for a number to call in my BCP meds to and I got to go pick those up and start them last night.  (Yes, the BCPs are why I don’t foresee any more weight loss in my near future.)  Talk about easy!!  Way better than charging my IPs to overnight the darn things from some Canadian pharmacy!  Plus, the person that was actually calling me with about the meds was the RE herself and not some goofball pharmacy person that could barely spell her own name.  She also asked me to make a phone appointment to just talk to her and get to know her.  Like I said – SO MUCH BETTER! 

In an interesting twist, we are using the same lawyer as we had been through the old agency although as we are NOT going through the agency, he has way less control or even access to things with this surrogacy.  I’m fine with this mostly because I know there are limited numbers of lawyers for this in MN but also because I am bravely ready to ‘chain a dragon to cook my meal’ as the Darkover saying goes.  (Or something like that.  It’s fiction anyway people so it isn’t real and I promise that if Marion Zimmer Bradley were alive she herself would not bat an eye at getting it perfect.)

SO – last but not least – my trip!  I had said that I needed a vacation and I got one!!  There is this message board online for surrogates and they were having a get together.  I’m pretty sure that it was intended for those that had been on the board for longer and really knew everyone but what the hell, right?  I crashed it.  They were amazing and wonderful and very nice people and accepted me into their gathering just like an old dear friend and I had a great time.  I flew out to MD and had a very relaxing time out there.  I even got to see a copperhead snake although I don’t think the snake had a very good time as it ended up dead.  We went out to the Tiki Bar and I got completely toasted on one drink and then I was laughed at for my pathetic tolerance levels.  Oh well.  At least I did nothing to embarrass myself. THAT is saying a lot too as I usually manage to do that sober.

So that is my update.

Decision Time

I could apologise for being a bad blogger and going AWOL but that would be too commonplace for me and besides, we all know bloggers everywhere get tired of blogging from time to time.  I’ll make it back more regularly posting, you know I will.

Life has been very much falling back into ‘normal’ for me.  Summer is finally here for us and that means Gavin is out of school (YAY!! No more homework for me!)  Our family is trying to figure out if we’d like to get an above ground pool this summer so if you have any experience with that feel free to let us know.  Feel free to work “Spend that money on yourself and go on a kid/husband free vacation to _____ instead!!” into your reply.  Especially if you offer for me to stay with you.  Especially if you are my sister going to the Hamptons this summer!

I was stuck in ‘no change’ land for a long time with my weight.  I was getting extremely annoyed because I was DOING all the same things that I knew worked but my weight was not changing.  Finally literally overnight I dropped to 174 on Thursday morning.  It meshed up with the return of my beloved cycles so I’m thinking the pregnancy hormones were making my system hold onto the weight.  I was 175 the next day but I’ve managed to get back that 174 this morning and hopefully hold onto it.  It isn’t easy as we’re at the start of the hubby’s annual training 2.5 week leave so doing both drop off AND pick up doesn’t leave much “workout” time.  Still, I’m managing.  I think that if it isn’t raining today after getting the kids I’m gonna try to hook up the bike cart to my bike and bring the kids out to a park a small ride away from the house.

I’m a little creeped out by my fat percent scale at home.  It is registering WAY high right now.  It was always high but for some reason it has me sitting near 40% body fat right now.  I’m not sure how I can be 40% body fat at 174 pounds.  That would mean 70 pounds of me is fat – I don’t think so.

Actually, most of my pre-pregnancy clothing is fitting me at this point.  (Michelle, I’ve got your maternity stuff all packed up for you! LOL!  I finally gave up even the jeans!)  I’ve still got a much pouchier tummy but that may not change without external help.

SO – now is the decision time.  Do I want to do it again or not?  Now is the time because if I DON’T do it again, I can actually start pursuing my tummy tuck dream.  If I do though, for obvious reasons, I don’t want to get any surgery done now.  I’m SOOO majorly conflicted.  It was much easier when I had the weight to lose again preventing me from being able to do anything anyway.    I was kinda hoping that by the time I was back down in weight, either P and J would’ve told me for sure sibling or no, or the PERFECT IPS that I just couldn’t say no to would’ve tracked me down out of the blue.

As for the boys – the last I heard they are about 15 pounds each now and starting to smile!  It sounds like they are sleeping better as well.  I’m happy for the guys.  Hopefully parenthood can settle down a bit for them now.

Attempting a Run

Happy birthday today to my big 3 year old, Asher!

I was running late today.  As such, I thought today would be the perfect day to do a short workout and to run instead of ellip.  Since I have worked out every day for the past 6 days, my mind kinda set up a block against wanting to workout again today, the 7th day.  I try to get at least 1 day in a week to rest but it is hard to allow that and not want more days off.  Balance is not easy. (As Tara from The Biggest Loser would know because does anyone else think she answered that question about balance at the finale with gibberish?  Of course, I’d have said “Are you kidding me?  You don’t mess with ‘balance’ when you are training to win TBL.  I worked my ass off and then worked some more and forgot what all possibility of normal life even looked like.  There’s time for balance after I win.”)  Since I am not on the line to stand on a scale in front of a live national audience, I do actually want balance.  So I walked into the gym with a strong voice telling me to not push it.

So I was just going to run a mile.  I started walking and got up to a 5.5 MPH run before my heel started to hurt.  DAMN.  It didn’t hurt a lot, but since I’d like it to heal and not hurt forever I slowed it back down again.  I was stuck at 4.3 MPH and I couldn’t run much faster or my heel would hurt – I think because then I’d have to take wider steps and the kicking my foot out in front of me was pulling on that tendon.  That means at least 3 more weeks of not seriously running and I was really upset with that.  Well, I still am but I was down right mad there in the gym.  It also means that I probably injured it in the first place that time I tried running a couple weeks back.

After two days at 177, I was really hoping for a 176 today.  We stopped at Cold Stone last night to pick out the cakes for Jessie and Asher’s birthdays  (I was going to do ONE cake and split the decorations in half  but I couldn’t really visualize a half  Spider Man half ballerina cake so I just got two small round cakes.) and everyone but me got to pick out some ice cream to eat while there.  I got their fancy health-kick frozen yogurt thing they were advertising instead of the double chocolate peanut butter thing I wanted to get.  I came home and ate green pepper slices and string beans instead of the treats I wanted to get.  Over lunch yesterday I did NOT go eat at the restaurant for the free ‘going away’ lunch for a co-worker and instead ate my raw fruits and vegies in my bag from home.  I was going to get 176 on Friday no matter what it cost me!!!

I got 178 today.  At least I’m wearing a pair of jeans from pre-pregnancy that I haven’t worn since I was only a few weeks into the twin’s gestation.  I’m wearing a nice loose shirt so no one can see the hideous muffin top effect that these jeans are having but that is not important.  The important part is that they are buttoned and zipped and I am able to sit down with only slight blood flow restriction issues to my lower half.

Achilles’ heel

Apparently, I have one.  Not so much in that I was shot by a poison arrow in my heel and am thus in the process of dying.  Also not so much in that I have a specific weak spot in my otherwise superhero-like flawless strength of both person and character.  No, that remains, as such, flawless.  My Achilles’ heel is, in fact, my achilles heel.  Literally.  My achilles tendon is suffering from a form of tendinitis that my podiatrist doctor flatteringly referred to as “something that normally only hits people over 50… I’m not sure why it is getting YOU.”  Thanks.  After that he muttered something about pregnancy hormones which I’m certain have the tendency to mimic ‘over 50′ in everyone so I’ll accept that as a perfectly good explanation.  I first noticed this pain while I was doing my hamstring stretches after a workout and thus whenever I forgot that it hurt like Holy Fucking Hell to hold my leg out straight and flex my foot upwards, I would do so and yes, it would hurt.  I first saw a neurologist thinking it was nerve related as the actual area on my heel or anywhere else didn’t hurt or feel tender, only the movement caused shooting pain.  The neurologist was so shocked to hear that it only hurt to flex my foot upwards when my leg was straight and not while it was bent that he insisted on pulling my leg out straight and flexing my foot. Then getting kicked in the face because DAMMIT, I TOLD HIM, OW!**  He told me that he had no idea what it could possibly be and to make another appointment in 3 weeks to see if it goes away on its own.  As I left I distinctly heard him mutter ‘freak’ out of the corner of his mouth but he could’ve been talking about anyone really.** 

Later that day I called a podiatrist thinking that another specialty might have the answer and he seemed to agree and invited me in for an appointment.  It seems that my achilles tendon attaches up above the back of my knee and thus when my leg is straight, it is tighter than when it is bent.  When it is straight AND I flex my foot upwards, it is tight enough to feel like it is ripping fiber by painful fiber off of the back corner of my heel.  His answer?  Don’t do that.  There was ice mentioned but I’m not likely to take the time to sit and ice my heel so basically I need to not do the things that hurt and it should get better on its own.  This would be a lot easier if I didn’t keep forgetting that the things that hurt really DO hurt and then doing them.  Mostly my hamstring stretches and moving my leg/foot around when I’m in bed.

Thankfully, I don’t have to stop my workouts as I’m finally starting to get my old abilities back.  I’m able to do the 30 minute elliptical at lvl 10 and ~5.5 MPH so that has me feeling pretty happy.  I FINALLY got to 177 this morning which is totally suckily slow but hey, it is DOWN so I’ll take it.  I’d prefer 2 pounds per week and not 1 pound per 2 weeks but it seems my system isn’t ready to snap back to <25 BMI as quickly as I would like it to.  I keep saying I need to try running for real one of these workouts but I haven’t.

I’d like to leave you with a little story that is, sadly, real.  I was driving my two angelic youngest children home from daycare one day.  They were both talking about what they’d like to get for their birthdays.  Jessie said she wants a big new barbie car and Asher said HE wants a big new barbie car too.  Jessie told him he needed a BOY barbie car and I asked Jessie what made a boy barbie car for boys.  The answer from the psychotic whack job in the back seat?  “BOY barbie cars have pictures of GUNS on them.  And Boys.  And boys holding GUNS shooting Barbie.”  NICE Jessie.  So I asked her what girl barbie cars had.  “Girl barbie cars have pictures of Barbie holding guns shooting BOYS, Mom.”  (Total eye-roll sass included.)  I thus tortured her with my speech about solving problems without guns and fighting and how making up shit in your blog about them is a much better way to get revenge.  Now she is asking for a WordPress account for her birthday.**

 

**These 3 sentences are not actually true.

Slowly, very slowly

I know – not many blogs.  Sorry about that. 

I don’t have time for a long post now either.  Just wanted to post that I’m wearing a pair of my old pre-pregnancy size 12s today!  I was wearing a pair yesterday and the day before as well.  Yay me!  Granted, they are tight – but nothing is ripping as I move so that’s good.  The funny thing is that they are all really tight over my belly.  My waist in general used to be the area that all my pants were loose on.  I am glad as it means there are still some effects of the pregnancy lingering around – having something other than me to blame tight pants on is always a plus!  I also FINALLY got 178 this morning so I’m pretty excited.  What are the odds that I can make 177 by Friday?

I can feel my strength coming back, albeit slowly.  At my 6 week PP appointment they drew another hemoglobin blood test and I came back with a roaring 8.2.  Ya, that’s a bit on the low end.  I can manage to keep my elliptical speed up to 4.5 – 5.5 more often than not at level 9 now though so it is coming back.  At the gym this past weekend I brought all three kids to the kids’ play place.  This was the first time I’ve ventured back with Asher for well over a year.  He did great!!  No crying or anything.  Jessie had fun as well.  I did get paged back to the childcare area about 20 minutes into my workout because Asher had a potty accident even though I TOLD them as I was walking out to remind him and bring him to the bathroom as it was a new and exciting place and him would probably forget.  It actually sounds from Jessie and Gavin that he was up inside the tunnels and couldn’t find his way out and was scared and calling for help.  OMG I hate their childcare quality.  When I was paged I was walking back from the elliptical and being very angry that OF COURSE they wouldn’t be able to deal with all three for a full 30 minute workout.  Hearing it was just a potty accident was good though because I could run out to the car and get his extra clothes and keep working out.  Since I only had 10 minutes left I decided to try out running for the first time.

Running:  I  AM  S L O W!

I finished off 10 minutes at 4.5 MPH.  That is frightening.  It was hard even and as much as I wanted to keep going and get in at least 1 mile for my first run I would’ve been on that treadmill for way too long.  Then I was sore.  Very sore.  Thankfully, not specifically my knees although they were sore too.  I need to keep stretching, especially that left leg, and I do need to get new shoes if I’m going to run more.  I don’t think it matters on the elliptical but the shoes I’m using were purchased in fall of 2007.

Yep, it is slow, but normal is creeping back up on me.

The way things are, and, walrus butt

AHHHHHHHH!

Melt off… HA!  Now past the official ‘6 weeks’ time frame where I actually am medically allowed to restart my workouts, I’m still sitting in the 180ish area.  I thought I’d get a nice head start by picking it up a couple weeks early but apparently not.  I’m extremely irritated but there’s not much that I can do other than keep trying.  Clearly I’ll have to dedicate myself better to my workouts and modify what I’m eating a bit.  The end of this month will bring me to 11 days in the gym for April thanks to both my late start and the missed weekends (and a few week days even).  That also is a good reason for not getting well into the 170s like I had hoped but more importantly, it means I missed the cutoff to have my insurance cover my gym dues by ONE DAY.  Yuck.

My 6 week appointment went well – if you count TOTALLY spacing on the whole point of why I even scheduled the appointment as ‘well’.  I could’ve kicked myself when I got home but I’m not that flexible.  See, my left knee is messed up.  I can’t kneel on it because it shoots pain as if there is a grain of sand sitting under my kneecap.  I can even feel the electric nerves shooting as I shave my legs past that spot on my knee.  I can make the whole thing tingle just by pushing on my kneecap – which is oddly way more fun than it probably should be.  Anyway, it happened as the swelling from the pregnancy went down and while I highly doubt my OB would have any clue what it was, I was hoping he’d send me in the direction of a specialist that would.  He might have, if I had brought it up.  Instead I spent the appointment making small talk while checking off the apparently overdue papsmear from my chart.

I did mention that my incision had gotten some more red spots and that I thought perhaps it was hair growth issues.  The only problem with that was that by the Friday that I went in, those spots had pretty much healed themselves and I pretty much just looked like an idiot saying anything about it when everything right then and there looked fine.  My very kind OB looked extremely uncomfortable as he suggested that if it was bothering me I could pack some gauze over it as especially as the weather got warmer the area could be getting irritated.  His discomfort was justified as it is probably not every day that a guy would try to get away with telling a postpartum woman that her belly looks like a walrus butt and the fact that it is hanging there could be irritating the underside of the skin.  Thankfully that is not the issue (the irritation, not the walrus part, that’s still true) but I don’t blame him for trying to come up with something to placate me since my real issue must’ve sounded pretty left field for him as there was no longer any redness where I was claiming it to be.

If you missed going out with me on Friday night, rest assured that there was only a very small party because only one friend was able to make it out for the night.  We opted to not actually go out afterall as she had a little one and it was just the two of us.  Instead I went over to their place and got to see aborable little Evan (http://morrisonbaby.wordpress.com) and play some Rock Band with her and her husband.  Thank you Jeanette for a very fun night!  I’m still looking to put something together though – I’m thinking a night when we can maybe meet up at a coffee place with some games and play and chat there.

As for the boys – it’s been awhile since I’ve heard much (ahem, guys, pictures?  As if you’re busy or something over there…) but what I did hear last was that they were well over 8 pounds back on the 17th.  At that rate, it is possible that they were over 9 pounds by their due date and, um, it is a good thing I wasn’t still pregnant with them!  I also can’t tell who is who in the pictures that J sent a few weeks ago as they are getting closer in weight.   J said their temperament is still very different so in person it is still much easier to tell.

My hunt for a new intended parent to carry for has not had any finds as of yet.  I’m learning that it is very difficult to really get the word out as even with good friends it is hard to go up to them and say “Hey, any fertility problems that you haven’t felt the urge to share with me?”  I haven’t been hit yet either so the people that I have mentioned anything to must not have been terrifbly offended, or the fake glasses I was wearing hoping no one would whack a 4-eyes worked.

On Thursday this week we have the orientation to PACT for our kids.  Yep, our kids, as in both.  Gavin got into PACT as well.  (There were 9 open spots and 8 siblings on the list of 200 kids wanting to get into 5th grade so as a ’sibling’ now it turned out to have been a sure thing.)  I had a difficult choice to make with his acceptance.  Put him into yet ANOTHER new school for the 2nd year in a row and hope that the smaller school and consistancy all the way to 12th grade would make for a better school for him or leave him in the school he is in now to not shake him all up again.  Even though as people I’ve really liked the teachers he has had at his current school, the school as a whole drives me a bit insane.  I’m not really sure why as other than the nurse they’ve all been very nice to me.  I think the principal is actually afraid of me as she goes way out of her way to sooth anything she can.  I get the distinct impression I’m being dealt with as something extremely flamable – which in the case with Gavin and his school is probably a pretty accurate assessment.  Any ‘good school’ thoughts you can send towards having a great orientation with the kids would be greatly appriciated.  I’m really hoping Gavin makes a friend with some of the other new kids that will be there.

blog-keeping

Just some general blog stuff – I’ve added a couple of blogs on the right, Jen, Cyn, and antropologa.  I also updated Sara’s blog link.

Now I have to go get lunch because I am cash-less and they don’t take credit cards in the cafeteria here.