The cat is out of the bag

In a desire to NOT look like a psychotic nutcase employee, I told my manager what was going on.   I’m not sure I convinced him of my sanity, but at least I explained why my schedule keeps changing hourly as far as when I’ll be at work and when I will not.  With each passing moment, I am convinced that Canada, if you are not a resident, is NOT a good place to travel to for IVF.  A good place to travel for IVF is the closest possible place that will do it with a valid medical license.  You should not have to schedule a flight to your IVF.

So yes, I told my manager.  You see, upon telling my manager that I was pregnant last time, I started crying.  Not even little crying but uncontrolable “the world is going to end” crying because I was so totally messed up in the head at that time.  Hard to explain really but I was very scared about the anxiety and general unhingedness that became my brain during and shortly after Jessica’s pregnancy.  I had just gotten that job and this was the first time this guy was ever a manager and I was his only report.  He’s a nice guy but I was a real challenge for any guy manager to know what to do with.  We managed through it but I was really hoping to not even bring up the pregnancy until I was many weeks into it so that I’d have that time to point out how not crazy I’ve already been.  (Relatively speaking, of course.)  He honestly responded fairly well and I’ll just have to prove to him that being pregnant will not cause him undue time spent dealing with, ya know, girly issues.

BTW – in case you were wondering – the fish are alive and well yet.  Also, in case you were wondering, I went to the gym today again and got in my full workout and it was a very good thing because after my traumatic dildo ultrasound uterine lining measurement session today (9.5mm, thank you very much), I stopped at Culvers for some ice cream.  Double chocolate ice cream.  With Oreos.  Mmmmmm.

End world hunger, one tank at a time.

My children decided to help feed the world.  Their plan was to distribute as much food as they possibly could far and wide.  They started with the fish tank.  Yep, they dumped the ENTIRE flake fish food container into the tank.  They didn’t stop there.  No, just in case the two fish (one is rather large, you know) in the 20 gallon tank were still hungry, they poured in the newly purchased bag full of bottom feeder pellets as well.  It looked something like this when I got home last night from visiting my dad:  Rock layer, 1%, food layer, 10%, water layer, 89%.  I think I may have seen one of the two fish still in there.  The other one was clearly tunneling under the food to reach clear water outside of the tank.  Since it was late and I was tired, I figured they’d be OK until the next evening when I could clean it all out.  Turns out, this morning it looked more like coffee than water and I knew I had to change out the sludge.

It took awhile, but I got all the water out, kept the fish in a little bowl, and scrubbed, sprayed, and cleaned all the items from the tank.  I then refilled the tank and hooked up all the tubes for the filter and the bubbles and heater.  I also changed out the filter because I’m assuming it was pretty much goo’d up good.  Unfortunately for the fish, there wasn’t time to let it sit to make sure the temp and all that was stable and the water was still a little cloudy from the little bit of fish tank scuzz that I couldn’t quite clean out.  Well, in they went because I had to go to work.  They were swimming around and not holding up protest signs or wearing little fish hospital gowns when I left so maybe they were OK.  If they are dead when I get home then I guess the yet-to-be-eaten crayfish my son brought home from school can go in there.

We were a little bit late getting to work this morning.  By ‘we’, I mean the royalty that is ‘I’. 

The latest news I’ve heard on the gestational carrier bit is that we are, in fact, looking at Wed through Sat.  Kris has said that they actually are going to let him have the time off, which I’m shocked by.  So thanks for the offer Pam, but it looks like I’ll have to deal with snoring at night after all. 

Tonight I think I overheard the kids planning on making sure the cat is well fed.

Riddle me this:

What do you get when you drive past a cop clocking people on the freeway while driving in a green minivan with your mom, 2 brothers, and all 3 kids going 83 MPH?  (It was a 70 MPH zone and just so you know, I was pretty much average with the rest of the traffic until I was the last one to notice the cop.)  Well, if you are me, evidently, you get off with a warning and a friendly smile.  For future reference, I gave him a sheepish grin after he told me what he clocked me at and said “I know, I’m sorry, I was distracted by something in the back (reference car FULL of people including fighting prone siblings) and it kind of got away from me I guess.”  He appeared to acknowledge how that can happen and asked how my record was (totally clean) and said that if he confirmed it was clean back in his car he’d give me a warning.    My husband is convinced he found out I was married to a national guardsmanwhen he looked up my license plate but I’m not thinking they are quite that advanced.  Anyway, it drives me nuts that the hubby gets away with ANYTHING on the road thanks to his military ID card so I refused to believe that had anything to do with my encounter.  Feeling pretty lucky after that, I was.  I’ve been doing so much long distance driving lately with all this crap with my dad though, that it was a statistical guarantee that I was going to have this happen eventually. 

Out in Alex, we went on a walk to the lake again only this time it was warm enough to check out the water.  Ash decided this for us when he walked into the lake with all of his clothing on.  Since the damage was done, we let him wade (if up to your armpits counts as wading when you are the height of a very large beaver walking on his hind legs.)  Jessie decided to do this also only we had her take off her shoes and socks first.  We should’ve had her strip off everything but we were temporarily stricken stupid, I think.  All was well enough as we just tossed all the clothing into the dryer back at the house and let them wander the house almost naked until their clothing dried.  That was, I believe, the last ‘visitation’ trip out to see Dad in Alex as he will be in the home starting today.  It will be nice, at least, to have the shorter drive and the slightly more family friendly place to visit with the kids.

So, on the riddle theme, how many workout days would you have to miss before you stopped feeling guilty about missing them?  Ya, whatever it is, I hit that.  Last Tuesday was my last workout day and THAT had been after missing a lot.  I had just decided: screw it, I’ll pick it up again when I can.  Pick it up, I did.  I got out there today FINALLY, and ellipted my 35 minutes and did the arms set of weights.  I’ve been out of having a book to read for a long time so I finally picked up some new ones to take on the elliptical with me.  I just finished reading the Island of Lost Girls which was really pretty good.  Now I want to read Promise Not To Tell by the same author.  (Sorry, don’t remember who – my dementia related brain can’t handle the details.)  I have some more from Marion Zimmer Bradley (don’t remember the titles – it’s one or the other, apparently, with me) that I’m looking forward to because of how much I LOVED the Arthur legend books from her.  It was good to be back on the elliptical reading finally.  That was the main bulk of my workouts for so very long and I’m glad I got that book in there.  I ended up weighing in at 163 as well so, really, it could’ve been worse.  Let’s just hope we don’t do what happened the week before and jump up from there as the week goes on.

Lastly, you can read more in the surrogacy blog, but we’ve had a bit of a blip in the gestational carrier world.  The egg donor is responding slowly to the medsand our dates are being pushed out.  Since we are saving money by using a Canadian clinic, we are paying many thousands of dollars in flight change costs to deal with this.  Very annoying.  Also, the hubby doesn’t think he’ll be able to get the weekend of the 8th, 9th, and 10thoff so… friends… sisters… strangers… if anyone would like to travel as my support person around that time please speak up.  Your flight will be covered as P and J have asked me to come up with someone such that I am not traveling alone.  The perks are that you will get to see Canada and visit with my very (VERY) adorable guys.  The downside is that you will have to room with me and spend a good deal of time with me and I’m totally neurotic.  (Just ask Scott Zappa.)  Before I end this I’d like to give a BIG thank you to Jeanette for setting my mind at ease regarding the egg donor’s response because it makes me feel MUCH better AND it makes up for the fact that my doctor seems to have forgotten my phone number.

The Worlds Most Boring Blog Update Ever:

Um, about that whole egging my house thing… let’s please not.  As it turns out, my husband was out of the house with our son for a cub scout event until very late.  They got home shortly before 10.  My lazy pathetic butt decided that was too late for anything and went to sleep.  In my defense, I got up this morning around 4:30 to leave early for work so that I could leave around 10 to visit this place our dad may have to move to.  I absolutely WILL get back into my good habits.

One habit I was happy to leave behind was my morning shot.  I did not have to stick myself with any needles this morning!  I did get to take an extra Estrace pill, but they are small so oh well. 

Another part of my morning routine is to go out and water our garden plants.  The beans are growing little tiny beans!!  We have purple, yellow, and green bean plants and all of them are growing tiny little beans.  All of the beans are green at this point so it will be fun to see them change colors.  The yellow and green I cannot tell apart so I don’t even remember which one was which when I planted them.  The purple you can really tell as the stems are purple and the leaves have purple edges and the flowers are all purple.  I can’t WAIT to see what those beans look like!  our watermelon is really finally taking off and growing out the vines and the watermelon flowers.  Since it is nearly August already, I have my continued serious doubts that a full watermelon will be able to mature before winter but we’ll see.  The pepper plants are down to 2.  I don’t know how it happened but when I got back from my mom’s house from the court stuff one of the plants was broken off at the root and dead.  Um, ya, that sucks.  The other 2 are still there but those pepper plants are growing so slow!  They don’t have any buds on them yet at all.  The strawberries are, of course, doing very well which is great because the whole thing is really their patch.  The other plants are just growing there because the strawberries had not been using the whole space and we decided to plant them.  Our sandy sandy ground needs LOTS of watering to keep things alive and the poor strawberries were being quite neglected in the summers past.  I can’t wait for next summer when we’ll have the whole sandbox moved and I’ll have a full real garden!  Oh, the sunflowers are doing great.  They both have their giant flowers open and growing.  The one that opened first is now finished with the whole pollen stage and looks to just be growing the seeds inside it now.  Sunflowers look pretty funny when the seeds are growing in there as the inside part of the flower isn’t all dark like it is in most pictures.  It’ll be fun to watch the seeds mature and darken.

This post is boring, I apologise for that.  You are probably not as excited about the state of my garden as I am.  I can say that I got my travel packet in the mail yesterday for my trip.  It was really a repeat of the travel packet I got before the first transfer that never happened.  Oh, minus the actual e-ticket copy.  *Sigh*  I did get TWO copies of the travel instructions from the agency though.  Somehow, someway, this agency actually pulls off a number of these successfully and I seriously do not understand how.

The ‘Robyn’ complex

I did my last Lupron shot today!  The pessimist in me wants to say that it was the last Lupron shot for this cycle, but I’m avoiding the pessimist today.  At any rate, I have been told that Lupron stays in your system for long enough after you stop taking it that I should be good to blame any traffic violations I may commit on it for the rest of my life.  I should be getting my new travel information any day here now and then next weekend, I’ll be heading out to Canada land.

I know I haven’t written for awhile.  I’ve been a little busy.  All that court stuff previously noted came up again as the second court date finally happened.  I am now one of 3 of my father’s guardians.  This is very surreal to me as at one point in time, he was one of MY guardians and HE didn’t get along with my other guardian.  I feel like my family should be some grand Greek story or something.  You know, people can have the “Oedipus” complex?  Ya, then they’d have the “Robyn” complex where they were destined to parent the parent that was a horrible parent.  In this story, there are so many shades of weirdness including the aunt and uncle and extended family issues. 

But hey, all of my siblings got to get together again and have some fun!  I even got to go shopping and I picked up some more summer clothing at a great deal.  I gotta say, even though I KNOW the quality of this store’s clothing is not great, but I really needed something and the styles are right for today even if the pants I bought last winter are so pilly now that you’d think they were chia pants.  I got to go shopping out in hickville with my brothers and their mom (half brothers) and I got this bag I’ve been drooling over ever since our very first trip out to this place.  It is the Angry Little Girls brand thing and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!  I got the one that says “Wow, cute bag!” “Get your own bag bitch!”  My x-step-mom liked it too and wanted to get me and my sisters a little gift so she picked up 3 more bags like it and paid for all four!  How nice was that??  I also saw an amazing little cell phone purse that I wanted because I’m often trying to not forget where I left my phone when I don’t have any pockets.  It was REALLY expensive though and since it was just an old tie that was stitched into a purse and beaded, I can totally do that on my own.  Can and WILL, well, that’s two different things.  Still, maybe someday.

The last day with my sisters, we went out to the gym together and worked out.  We even got my littlest sis to run on the treadmill with us although she hated every second of it.  It was so fun to have all of us in a row on the treadmill though.  Since I had not planned on being down at my mom’s house for an extra day, I did not have workout clothes to wear that were fresh.  They were dry and had only been worn once and then sitting out to dry since, however they definitely would’ve led any dog with a D+ or better in sniffing skills right to me from, oh, Canada.  I also hadn’t showered yet that day because who showers just to go to the gym?  I did put on more deodorant but I’m afraid that couldn’t quite fix things.  My sister was SOOO convinced that it was her that smelled but I’m pretty sure it was my tank and sports bra.  Of course, I didn’t say anything to her about it.  🙂  It was too funny to watch her sniff her pits and declare herself stinky.

Later that night we all got to go out together.  Beckey had a bunch of people she knew meeting up at a bar downtown and for once, I got to go with.  Being normally the mom that gets left behind with the kids (and being too fat and ugly to even try anyway), I’ve never gotten to go out and do that before with them.  I was so excited to get to be one of the fun sisters that night!  I have to say that I can absolutely see the freedom of my kids getting older and being done with having babies!!  It is so ironic that it happens just before I’m about to get knocked up again (hopefully), but I still don’t have to even consider heading into round number 4 of diapers and nursing and early nights. (Or really really really late ones that do NOT include wearing fun shoes even if they do involve things like fuzzy nipples, lots of dancing – rocking – patting – begging to go to sleep, and an extra marital relationship with my medula pump-n-style.)  Still, I’m not in my 20s so I forced my older sister to go out with us as well so that I didn’t feel like the old married boring dork at the party.

Now that it is all done, I need to get back to my old habits.  I haven’t made it to work out since Tuesday because the husband needed to go to work early so I needed to handle the morning routine.  Tomorrow I have to leave work early to deal with some ‘parent the parent’ issues so I’m thinking I may just run into work as early as possible.  That would mean that I’d need to be motivated, or at least disciplined, enough to make it to the gym after doing that stuff.  I could (should) also go either just run in the neighborhood tonight, or go to the gym.  I’ll probably end up sitting on the couch with ice cream and chocolate marshmallows  running in the neighborhood because going to the gym from home means going to the crappy “Scott Zappa” Coon Rapids Lifetime and I won’t use that one if I can avoid it.  I wish I could feel more for sure about that… feel free to egg my house if I report back that I did not, in fact, work out tonight! 

At least I can end on a good note and say that when I did weigh in on Tuesday I was at 162.   OK, I’m going to admit something totally nuts.  At the end of every workout, I stretch my arms.  I’ve done this since my very first workout.  I used to do it because the arm bars that I hold onto and move on the elliptical machine would always leave my arms feeling a bit tight so I stretched them out just to get out of the weird elliptical-arms feeling.  Then I got stuck.  Every time I did this, my right shoulder joint would pop.  SOMETIMES when I did it, my left shoulder joint would pop.  I started noticing (this is the weird part) that on the days when both arms would give me the pop, I’d have a good weight day on the scale.  I started getting really odd about it because if I just couldn’t get my left arm to pop, I’d be all depressed.  Well, a few months ago, I was stretching like normal after a workout and pulling on my right arm… the one that always pops.  It wasn’t popping and somehow I pulled it so far that I actually injured myself.  It was sore for a few days and I couldn’t even attempt to stretch it.  Ever since then, it has healed just fine but I’ve not been able to get the right arm to pop at all.  Sometimes the left would still, but not the right.  You will note, that I have had icky weight loss days more often than not during that time.  Well, back on last Tuesday I had somehow gotten the right one to pop again and you will note the awesome weight day!  This Tuesday at the gym, I also got both arms to pop and, ya, 162.  I know, I know – it is totally nuts.  Still, for whatever reason, that darn shoulder joint predicts my weight results for the day.

If you are GOING to complain about people with kids…

This is taboo.  I should not complain about the strangers that complain about my kids – I know that.  The thing is… I THINK that in this situation, I’m OK.  They were REALLY DUMB strangers, you see. 

My husband and I went out to a restaurant with the kids.  I know, gasp choke cough and all that, but here’s the thing, we LIKE to go out to eat sometimes.  With Gavin, he was tough but we managed because he was also an only child so we had both of us to watch him all the time.  With Jessie she was honestly easier to go out into public with than Kris (the husband) is most times.  There was an incident at Kahns with some noodles and the floor when she was very young but since I didn’t have to clean the floor I found that mostly entertaining.  Asher… he is a menace and while he does fine in most public places, going out to a restaurant with him is darn near impossible.   He doesn’t sit still, he has practically no appetite so he doesn’t stay interested in his food, and the child has no concept at all of stranger danger.  Strangers, and more importantly, their food and belongings, are put on this planet for his amusement.  It is impossible for him to be so close to all those interesting people and things and not allowed to meet and greet (and taste and touch) the room.  Every 3-4 months, however, I start to forget what special kind of hell it is to bring Asher out to a restaurant and I say to my husband: Let’s go out to eat tonight!

This night in particular, however, was Tuesday.  Tuesday has the special clause of being “Kids Eat Free” night at a local restaurant.  To my way of thinking, a restaurant that has a HUGE (as in, visible from space HUGE) sign outside their establishment advertising “Kids eat free on Tuesdays”, should probably be understood to have actual children IN it on Tuesday nights.  Children that are, in fact, eating, or at least hovering near a plate of food that they could eat if they so chose to, completely for free.  If you are going to be bothered by the antics of children at a restaurant, and it is a Tuesday night, I have no sympathy at all, folks, if you opt to walk into the restaurant offering FREE food to all tots that dine at said restaurant that very same night.

So, now that my background is built, let’s get on with the story.  We head out to this restaurant with kids in tow at about 5:30.  (Gavin is with Grandma so it is just Ash and Jessie.)  We don’t have to wait at all and the waitress, bless her heart, is GREAT with the kids.  I can only imagine that is because she is working at a place that probably has a lot of them on every Tuesday night.  She takes the kids’ orders first while we are still browsing the menu looking for our own meals.  We are seated at a booth which is good because then the parents can sit on the outside and the kids get trapped inside, but they can still get their wiggles out by moving about in the booth.  There is a wall with a small opening on the inside and the booth where Asher and I are sitting has another booth right at its back.  Right behind Asher and I are two couples, neither of which have any kids.  Ash is standing on the booth seat as he normally does because if he were seated, he would look like that drawing of a little head just barely peeping over the ledge.  Also, he is standing because if he were seated, his head might actually explode out of antsiness.  Jessie is seated and quietly coloring and does so through pretty much the whole meal.  As the night goes on, Ash stands up, sits down, stands up, sits down, crawls under the table, climbs back up, etc.  He also wants to say hi to the people behind us.  I do not allow this to the best of my ability, however being 2, he is magic and manages to get by me from time to time.  He is also intrigued by the space in the wall by him that goes to another booth on the other side.  He takes an empty juice bottle that the waitress had brought us (it was full when she brought it, we just emptied it into Ash’s juice cup) and is just holding it being relatively well behaved so that I can take a bite or two from my food.  While doing this, he jumps up and tosses said plastic bottle through the hole.  Instantaneous, people.  Thankfully, there was no one sitting at the booth on the other side, but the people behind us saw this. 

The people behind us, apparently, were quite certain that it was rude to bring kids to a restaurant.  At 5:30.  On the night that the restaurant offers free food for kids.  They spent the night complaining loudly about the horrid parents that would allow their child to stand in the booth and throw the bottle at the booth on the other side.  They were so very offended by my son’s friendly, albeit uninvited and fairly messy, attempts to say hello.  They were even, it seems, dissheartened by my gall at allowing my 2 year old to eat his mac’n’cheese with his spoon while spilling some on the floor and picking some up with his fingers from the table.  When my quiet little 4 year old had to go to the bathroom and walked while holding my hand to the restroom with me, they all clearly watched her, not us but HER, as we walked past their table as if they were expecting her to jump up and yell ‘run froggies, run for your lives!’ while tossing small amphibians into everyone’s food.   My shy little girl so totally does NOT need anyone glaring at her like that and I felt like I needed to shield her from them as we walked by. 

Well, the meal ended without any actual engagements between us and them, which was a good thing.  Despite his general antsiness, Asher was really quite reserved and did not actually do anything to them.  I just left feeling very irritated that I made the effort to make sure that we were going to a family friendly place at a family friendly time, and while the restaurant was PERFECT in the family friendly goal, our neighbors were very critical of me.  Hey, losers, suck it up and be charmed by my children like you are supposed to be because in case you didn’t notice, kids are not actually short adults.  They are going to act like kids no matter how well parented they are.  If you want to dine child-free, use your brains next time when you decide on where you are going to meet.

That concludes my whining about the childfree people at the next table.  Yell at me if you want.  It is my blog and I’m going to whine about what I want.

What happened after I got up at 4AM…

No no, I’m not busy ripping the scale from the wall and stomping all over the motherboard or whatever evil processor bits are inside there.  Actually, it gave me a 163 which is still sucky, but at least it is not the crazy 165 of yesterday.

I have noticed that I get weaker as the week goes on.  On Monday I’m really impressed with what I can do on the weight machines.  By Friday, I’m switching the weights down from where Grandma Ethel had them before I got there.  I had thought that I was just stronger in some areas, which is probably true as well, but mostly it seems to matter which day of the week I do that set on.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually think Monday makes my arms grow like a weird tide or anything.  I’m figuring that it is just because after a week of working my arms every morning, they are pretty beat.  Sure, the machines SAY “chest”, “back”, or “shoulders”, and so on.  Really though, they aren’t all that different of muscle sets.  If you are pushing something with your arms, even if you push in different directions, all of your arm muscles are ultimately going to get a bit of action.  That’s my theory, anyway, and I’m sticking to it.  The real issue here is that I have to remember to not schedule any jell-o wrestling matches on Fridays.  Really, this is a plus because honestly, the Friday crowds for those things are just so weird.

Oh oh oh!!!  There were women doing lunges on the track today!!  You know, the track, where you run around in a circle?  The track where you sometimes walk in the far left lane, but mostly run?  Ya, that one.  These two women were standing in the middle of the track, one in the left lane, one in the middle, doing a lunge filled wedding march.  It was so weird.  Plus, the one women in the middle stopped completely at one point to bend over at the waist and stretch out.  I was coming up from behind and just thinking how not fair it was that they didn’t know I was on Lupron.  I mean really, I could’ve painted a target on her ass it was so bad.  She bent over in the far right side of the middle lane such that I could barely get around her, to stretch.  I am truthfully ashamed to say that I did nothing.  In my mind, it was the funniest scene EVER though!

I also figured out why it seemed the clock was playing with my head the other time.  It was, as it turns out.  I was just finishing up a lap when I saw the clock go 87, 88, 89, 80, 81 for the seconds.  Now, yes, most normal people would question why it was in the 80s at all since most clocks have 60 seconds in a minute.  Truth be told, I never really wondered.  I just assumed it was a fancy timing thing that had 1/100th of a minute instead of real seconds.  Apparently I’m not normal but I think we covered that a long time ago so really, let’s just move on.  I DID manage to question why it went from 89 to 80.  That part is just not right no matter what form of math you are doing.  That is when I figured out that the ‘8’ digit was really just broken and not being displayed.  That’s when I stopped looking at it and only went from the minutes numbers.  A bit harder to get details on the laps, but oh well.  After my full cardio and weight training time I went back to the track and sprinted around once.  I get stuck at one point when all the geriatric peeps that go to this gym were constructing a human pyramid in the middle of all three lanes, but I said “excuse me” and they all parted ways.  (Which is good because I was really in the mood for a rousing game of old people bowling.)  Even with all that, I got 41.76 seconds for my lap.  I believe that is about 9 MPH.  Oh ya baby, at 9 MPH you can knock down a LOT of old people!

For those keeping track, I am on day 6 of Lupron.  6 more to go.  I have an ultrasound that I need to schedule for the 29th to check my lining.  We are getting there.

(And yes, I really did get up at 4AM.  I was tired of being late after all the stuff I had to do in the morning before I could leave the house.  I went to sleep at 9 and got up at 4.. well.. 4:20-something really.)