What do I bring?

The other day, one of the search phrases that brought people here was “preparing for a stillbirth labor, what do I bring?”  Now, yes, it was mixed in with “kids that look over the booth restaurant”, and “locker room naked” which gets a disturbing number of search hits, but of course it caught my eye.  I was one of the lucky ones, I guess, if you can call it that.  I didn’t go into labor or even into the hospital knowing that I was going to have a stillbirth child.  Well, I had an idea that things weren’t good due to all the blood I was losing, but the ever faithful American going into our hospitals that I was, I fully thought whatever was happening could be handled.  Without a dead baby.  I’ve since stopped being so naive.  When I hear from people that knew ahead of time that their baby had died and they weren’t in labor yet, it is so sad to me.  To go into the hospital, slowly walking, knowing hours, days, whatever before hand that you weren’t going to be bringing that baby home, seems to me like torture.  Thus, the idea of someone searching on the internet for what to BRING to such a delivery breaks my heart. 

That said, what do you bring?  Well, my advice is to bring anything you can to remember your baby by.  A camera, a baby book to stamp foot and hand prints in, maybe one of those kits from a craft store where you can make 3D copies of baby’s hand or foot.  Bring an outfit for your baby, if you can get one small enough depending on how far along you are.  There are organizations that specialize in making tiny tiny outfits for the stillborn preterm babies.  Bring a journal for writing whatever you feel like writing.  Then bring anything you would bring for yourself to a normal delivery because you will be giving birth and physically you will be going through all the same things.

That leaves me to wonder… as a surrogate, would what you bring be different?  Of course, you won’t have the baby stuff.  I don’t think it would be that much different though.  Actually, the bigger difference will be the lack of the 80 thousand family members that I always end up with.  The hubby has a large family and I usually have in-laws taking up the entire wing of the hospital.  P and J have said that they aren’t interested in having too many people there with them in the hospital, prefering instead to have family meet their babies after they make it home.  I know that my kids will miss me and want to see me, and perhaps P and J will be OK with them meeting their new little ones.

As for you, naked locker room search people, hopefully you are not finding what you are looking for here.  But if you DO find what you are looking for, feel free to drop me a line and send me the link.

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