For the love of babies

Wow, just a few days since my last post but it seems like so much has happened.  I’ve been having some pretty crazy dreams lately.  You think preggo dreams are weird, try surro dreams!

So, the other night, I dreamt that I was pregnant.  I know, big deal.  But you see, I was about 5-6 months along with a singleton and it was MINE.  The twins had been born and living with P and J (and I had come up with a killer nickname for baby B which I cannot remember for the life of me but in the dream I said to myself that I’d HAVE to remember that when I woke up.)  I was totally thrilled with having this other baby. 

Then it hit me.  Another baby.  As in, Ash was getting older and we were almost out of that uber dependent timeframe and we were STARTING ALL OVER.  I started to panic and got so upset that I woke myself up.  Yikes.

Now, obviously as I was thrilled to be having another before recognising all the WORK involved in having another baby, I would actually enjoy adding more kids to our family.  The thing is, I’ve always said that I don’t want more than we can afford.  Afford is an interesting word.  Usually it means money but in this case, not exclusively.  Because I work full time outside of the house, my time with the kids is limited.  I already see my middle child having had to grow up a lot faster than her brothers who both had more ‘baby time’ allotted to them.  She’s never actually come to me and said “Mom, you totally suck because you expected me to be mature about life at only 2 years old when Asher was born when both of the boys got to run about as babies well beyond that.”  She could.  Probably something I can look forward to in therapy bills from her.  Hey, maybe she even gained something from it as her independence and ability to amuse herself will no doubt come in handy for her. 

As for Gavin, I’m pretty sure he jumped from 5 to 9 overnight and I miss the little boy.  I grab him and give him hugs like I used to and I think he enjoys the connection but if I’m not careful,  I feel like I could miss a whole stage and one day realize I don’t even know who he is.  I don’t want to pay that price for having another baby in our family.

Speaking of growing up… Asher was freshly dressed for bed last night and we had read the last story when he got this ‘look’ on his face and ran off behind the rocking chair I was sitting in.  Yep, the boy was about to soil the freshly applied diaper.  I asked if he was pooping and he said from behind the chair “No Mommy, Asher not pooping.”  I asked if he’d like to poop in the potty chair and she came running out and said yes.  See, I keep the potty chair up in his closet.  He is obsessed with sitting on it and getting up and walking around and taking the seat apart and not putting it back together correctly and then sitting on it minus the inside part that prevents the product of his efforts from hitting the carpet.  This only bothers me because it is a pain as he has NEVER, not even once actually managed to produce anything in the toilet that is supposed to be there.  I’ve found plenty of things in the toilets that were NOT supposed to be there, but I’m pretty sure those things never made it through anyone’s digestive track.

Well, it is a big treat for him, because of that, if I pull down the potty seat and let him sit in it.  If you recall, I’m planning on torturing myself in Decemeber and fullout attempting potty training this precocious little 2 year old so I figured it wasn’t too far out of belief that he might actually do this.  The potty chair went down and I stripped off the foottie jammies and diaper and he sat on his chair happily.  Then got up.  Then sat down.  Then got up.  I told him to sit and go poopies and the Kris and I were talking about something so believe it or not, I stopped really watching him.  Well, he got our attention by announcing that he had done it!  YAY!  My little guy has mastered for the first time ever, producing something in that potty chair.  I’m a little shocked that his first success was this and not the more liquid alternative that I thought most kids started with but I’ll take it.  Maybe this December will go over better than I thought.  That isn’t hard, really, since what I expect to happen is really really quite low.

*sigh*  There will always be that part of me that is so in love with babies.  The amazing, loving, all out cuteness of the little things.  Really though, I’m so ready to move on with our family and have the time and the brain bandwidth to go beyond cute.


One Response

  1. I can relate to the ‘afford’ thing. Writing out that big day care check just makes me sick every week. I don’t think I could add another one to the mix, but I just love babies.

    Good luck with the potty training. Maybe Ash will just train himself. 😉

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