Apparently, the heart emoticon, <3, has been banned:


Hehe, funny article.  I’m not too bummed to hear that there are enough people out there annoyed by that emoticon to allow it to hit the list.  I’ve never really used it because to me it is a pretty big leap to say it looks like a heart.

That’s just part of the list of the various things that I read when I log in to see if Bump Fairy (link on the blog list) has updated her birth story any more yet.  Yes, she had her babies!!  Congrats to all of you!

I’ve also been reading and even answering some Yahoo answers things but I’m quickly becoming frustrated with that because the answers have the chance to be voted on and the ‘best’ selected and I’m learning that there are a lot of idiots out there.  (Idiot being defined as anyone who thinks I’m wrong.)  Well, there was this one question from someone (Not an idiot, just a conflicted soul) considering surrogacy that went something like this:

“Would you rather a surrogate be around or not around?” 

Her ‘question’ (which really deserves quotations because it wasn’t so much of a question) was basically that she couldn’t have children and was considering surrogacy but was upset because she wouldn’t be able to stand SEEING the surrogate get to actually carry her child.  She wanted nothing to do with the surrogate so that the baby could magically appear for her and she wouldn’t have to think about someone else getting to be pregnant with her baby.

As a surrogate, this would not be an intended parent that I would choose to work with.  I wouldn’t want to do all of this only to have the intended mother sneer at me with a jealous hate as she swung by the hospital to pick up her baby.  Um, not exactly the dream situation any potential surrogates have.  There are SOME that are happy to go through the whole journey with less contact and more privacy than me, that is true.  Hopefully if she opts to actually do this, she picks one of those people. 

I’ve heard from some people that they would rather do surrogacy for intended fathers as intended mothers do tend to bring that ‘I hate you for having a better uterus’ bit to the whole situation.  I don’t think I’ve seen that in the intended mothers that I’ve read online so maybe that is perception vs reality?  This woman clearly had those issues but she also had not yet decided to actually DO surrogacy. 

I know Bump Fairy (just had to check again for another update) has commented that for her the relationship with the intended parent(s) is important.  What about other readers out there?  Surrogates, intended parents, people not at all involved in surrogacy that would just like to hypothesize the “if I were…”?  Would you be willing to participate in a surrogacy journey where the surro and the parents had little to no contact?  Would you perhaps even prefer that?

Thanks.  And readers, you should all know.  I ❤ you.


4 Responses

  1. When I first started reading I ‘guessed’ incorrectly where her question would take us. In her scenario-NO I would not carry for her as she is 95% not ready for surrogacy. What she wants isn’t even a ‘business relationship’, which I could possibly consider for the right reasons (I’m a tad afraid that I won’t be able to find future IP’s that are as great as my current IP’s have been, and I don’t really want the comparison thing either).

    However, my current IP’s are not local to me. They’ve always been 12 hours to across the coast away from me. I think the distance was nice the first time around while I really figured out ‘what’ I as a surrogate needed and wanted out of a relationship. Although having them close enough to come to every appointment would be a nice idea, I would worry that I wasn’t a good enough judge of character initially and it might’ve really invited some micro-managing that I would not have really wanted. So although as I carry for them a 2nd time I would now LOVE if they were closer and could be here for everything, I think my first time it would’ve made me a little more nervous. Now we did communicate quite well and daily, so it’s also not the same as they just swooped in and picked up the baby.

    But, cudos to the woman for knowing right now that she’s not ready for a relationship at all. Hopefully she is honest about that and matches with someone OK with that plan OR as she learns more about surrogacy and becomes more comfortable with it she’ll not feel as bothered and will embrace BEING involved. Or maybe she should go to India 🙂

  2. For me it’s ovaries, not my uterus, that was the problem, so I’ve never considered surrogacy, but I can definitely imagine, without working through it, being insanely jealous of a surrogate. I mean, I’m mildly jealous of anyone who is good at reproduction. But I am sure that the thrill of being close to my unborn child would overcome my discomfort with the fertility angle.

  3. Yep, the relationship is very important to me…I have given birth to two sets of GS twins and could NOT imagine a journey like the one proposed by that IM–I adore both of my former IMs and am thankful to have been able to help them grow their family…I would not want to be part of a journey where the IPs just show up at delivery to pick up the baby..ewwww. Both sets of my IPs were long distance- but we kept in contact via phone and emails, nearly daily! They came for all the milestone appts, as well as the birth 🙂 I can not even begin to imagine carrying for an IM who was jealous of me, that would be so difficult and potentially ruin the whole experience…Just my opinion….

  4. You know my thoughts on this, but I’d like to add……

    I truely do worry for the child of such an arrangment. No mother should be ashamed of how her child came in to her life, and I am deeply saddened that the child this woman becomes a mother to will always have that as part of it’s beginnings. Mom, Mama, Mother… none of those things have anything to do with a uterus. I am sad for this woman, and I hope that some day she finds peace within herself with her infertility, and gets the family she so deeply desires without cheapening the conception and birth of that child to such an enormous degree.

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