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Holy crap!

That choice comment is what came out of my mouth when I got weighed in at the clinic on Monday.  Why was I weighed in at the clinic?  Not because I had an appointment.  No, it was because of two things. 

1) I will never ever ever again be in a position of saying to myself “If I had just gone in to check on it, maybe things would be different.”


2) Apparently I don’t yet know the normal ebb and flow of twin movements.

I could’ve sworn to you on Monday afternoon that these two had gone into a coma.  The handfull of pathetic little kicks that I got were all in ONE exact spot and, ya know, being twins you’d at least hope for two spots.  Anyway, preferring to look like the crazy nut-job with living twin babies over the stoic pillar that doesn’t annoy medical staff for trivial things… until she ends up with dead babies, I drove over to my clinic asking all non-challantly for a little heartbeat check on the babes.  Just, ya know, a quicky.  They totally do that, right?

Um, no.  They don’t.  They sign you up for a full blown appointment with “not-my-doctor” because my doctor wasn’t there that day.  They have you sit in the waiting room for 20 minute chunks of time while moving you between the NST room, the US room, and the patient viewing room.  (Sorry, P, I’m sure it has a different name.  I just prefer to think of any clinic as a zoo and patient viewing room has always stuck in my head.)  They opted to do an US to check heartbeat because the NST would’ve been hard to locate 26 weeker hearts.  I’m not sure why they needed the full blown US machine when I just wanted the heart rate, but at least it gave me a chance to visit with the anti-patient-relations expert otherwise known as the US tech. 

Knowing full well (because I had just told her) that I had lost a baby after a period of decreased fetal movement and that I was purely interested in confirming normal heart rates in these two (as quickly as possible due to pending pregnant woman heart attack out of fear), she wasted no time at all in staring at her US machine for 5 full minutes until she remembered she had to refresh something to get my appointment to show up.  (This would be annoying for ANYONE in IT, regardless of life and death fear over fetuses, BTW.) THEN she proceeds to find baby A and make pictures with “BREECH” written all over it and spend 8.5 years cataloging my cervix.  (An area she seemed to be fascinated with last time, now that I think about it.)  I pipe up, um, heart rates, please?  And she reluctantly heads over to baby A and takes a 1 second snapshot of his heart and declares it to be 130.  She then wanders around the placentas for awhile and I casually mention that I’m having another appointment in just 1 week when she can mosey all over my uterus to her hearts content at that time but now I’d really like to see baby B’s heart rate.  I swear US techs should be required to take some psych classes or something because the damage they can do when they ignorantly mess with your head is unbelievable.  She did managed to find B’s heart rate and again, a 1 second picture put his heart at about 150.

She tells me she thinks I might be able to just go but she wasn’t sure so I should sit in the waiting room and I’m sitting there forever as everyone else leaves.  FINALLY I do get called back to discuss the US results.  Now, I’ll admit, I’m hugely conflicted here.  What I WANT to do is say YES, the US was great, I’m totally reassured and all is well.  Thank you, goodbye.   And get on my way.  What I ALSO want to do is be honest.  When they ask me if the babies are moving more now I kick myself but am also honest because I don’t want to have spent all this time to still be worried.  I tell her no, they aren’t moving more.  In fact, even in the US we could SEE they weren’t moving hardly at all and there was no way I got anywhere near 7 kicks between the two of them in the 45 minutes between the US and our discussion about said US.  I also said that 1 second clips of heart rates don’t show distress because, well, they don’t and plus, I was on a roll.  Between the babies and myself I ended up committing myself to another 45 minutes of NST where they hooked me up to two monitors and we worked very hard to find and consistently track two 26 week babies. 

In the end, the nursing staff declared the boys to be well advanced for their age and wonderfully reactive.  Oh, and the nurse that was setting up the NST said that she heard I was ‘placing’ the babies.  Um, placing them where?  On a shelf somewhere?  She corrected herself as I started saying I was a gestational carrier and she was gushing about how great she thought that was.  I wasn’t sure how to take it really because of the whole “placing” comment at first.  Then when the other nurses came in because either they were bored or I was the only patient still in the building as they were trying to shut the clinic down, she introduced me to them as “she is placing these babies.”  Seriously.  Does she not KNOW the difference? 

Yes, all ended well.  I even have some US pics to share with the guys which show exceedingly chubby cheeks which I think is odd for a 26 week baby.  That would explain the “Holy Crap” that exploded from me upon standing on the scale that day though.  Let’s just say that if I come out of this whole thing having not gained back to my original pre-weightloss starting point, I’ll be happy.  And surprised.    I keep trying to say YA, but you weighed that much WITHOUT being pregnant with twins, dumb ass.  Then I think about how my rings and my watch fit still.  My feet are starting to swell a bit, but not too much.  Plus, it’s actually getting harder to eat because I get full very fast and in addition to being full, I get heart burn from hell (aka HBFH) just by thinking about eating something so MAYBE, just maybe, everyone that said it does slow down eventually will be right.  I still think these boys are closer to 3 pounds than 2 right now.  And thankfully?  They’ve been nice and squirmy today.


5 Responses

  1. Well Crap. I needed that laugh today! BOO for ignorant arses ( both the US tech and the nurses) and.. yay for heartburn? Or the reason for heartburn? and YAY for wiggly babies!

  2. Yeah, I don’t blame you for going in at all! But no, if you go in unexpectedly it will never be a quick trip.

    I did not get regular consistent movement from both babies at your stage-it’s only in the last month or so (since Christmas) that I regularly feel them-but out placentas are cushioning between them and my belly (can’t think of the word).

    It’s always surprising to me that people in the medical field are sometimes the last people to understand surrogacy.

    Only 10-12 more weeks of worry!

  3. So glad the babies are more active today – that ‘fear’ of pregnancies has to be one of the worst things. I remember lying in my bed countless nights poking, prodding and praying for any movement. Stressful!!!

    Glad you’re doing well, and glad you got some nice pics out if it all 🙂


  4. I’m totally picturing you talking back to the US tech. Luckily I had good US techs. Must be those clinics in the northern suburbs…. 😉

    But Evan was SOOO squirmy I was never worried about decreased movement. I hope those babies keep squirming away!

  5. I had the same problem with decreased movement so I rented a doppler. I was able to find both heartbeats which made me feel a lot better when I couldn’t feel them.

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