Like sands through the hourglass…

How do they grow so fast???  No, I’m not talking about the twins, although I COULD be.  I’m talking about my own kids.

While running out the door last week, I got THE call.  The phone call from PACT charter school to tell me that Jessica won a lottery spot into their kindergarten where there was ~ a 10% chance of winning.  YAY!  Now, you aren’t even allowed to tour the school unless you’ve been offered a spot so I didn’t know much about it beyond the fact that it is IMPOSSIBLE to get in.  I scheduled a tour and ramped up my investigation as I only had a short while to take or leave the offer.

Kindergarten class size?  18 kids.  Nice, but they only bus the kindergartners one way.  You have to provide transportation either to OR from school.  This is because they only have half days for the kindergartners and they don’t pay for busses in the middle of the day.  Yikes.  As a working mom, this is tough to hear.  I wish they’d have a van or something that we could opt to pay for to cover this part of the day.

Anyway, we’ve made the choice to go for it so now we just have to figure out car pooling options and what not.  Maybe I can find someone that wants to make some cash mid-day by driving Jessie for me.  Hopefully someone with a CLEAN driving record.  Jessie is a little nervous but I think the half day option will be nice for her. 

Asher is no longer sleeping in his crib.  As of last night, we took it apart.  It was getting late so all we managed to do in setting up his new bed was to put the mattress on the floor but we’ll get that frame in there today.  Asher was very excited about the whole process until he ran into his room after carrying small crib parts down to the crawl space and realized that there was no more crib in his room.  He looked around and got this face like he was going to cry himself into a puddle and asked where his crib went.  Once we got the mattress on the floor with all his blankets and his pillows he was happier. 

Bedtime itself was not ideal with the new bed but it also wasn’t really any worse than it has been lately.  We’ve had the side down on Ash’s crib for a long time and he’s been able to get in and out himself.  There was a small trauma moment when he apparently couldn’t find his little satin pillow because it had fallen off the mattress but that was resolved.  I went in to check on him later at night and he was sleeping on the floor next to his bed so I just moved him back up.  Maybe it was better that he didn’t have the bed to fall out of???

It is so crazy to look at newborn pictures of Asher.  (The others too, but I think with your youngest you always have issues.)  I still think of him so much as my baby but THAT is a baby.  It makes me think of these twins.  People ask often enough about ‘How’s it going emotionally?’  Very hard question to answer.  Mostly it is hard because there is a right answer and a wrong answer no matter HOW you really are feeling.  If a surrogate says that she thinks it will be hard to see the babies go in any way, shape, or form, she’s considered naive and ignorant to have signed up to BE a surrogate.  At least, I get that impression a lot.

The truth is, there are many sides to this (like most) situations.  I am excited to see P and J get excited.  I am glad to be helping them with a family.  I am also GLAD it is THEM and not ME that has to take care of these boys.  Not that I wouldn’t want twins – I’d have LOVED any of my kids to be twins.  (Well, not Asher.  When I was pregnant with him I really could’ve only handled ONE more child.)  No, but with 3 kids and an already busy house, I just can’t see fitting two more boys into the mix.  At least, not without getting hives.   I’ve never NEVER looked at it as giving ‘my’ babies to anyone so there isn’t that.  The honest truth though IS that babies are adorable.  They are squishy and cuddly and baby-like and I’ll never have another one.  Watching mine grow so fast drills that into me.  I’m all done with ever having another baby and that part does get me a little sad.  THUS, when these two are born their not-mine-adorableness  WILL tug at my heart a bit – not for keeping THEM – but for just babies in general.  It will be brief.  Then I will roll over and sleep on my stomach and stay asleep ALL NIGHT LONG! LOL!

All the same, I may be sad in the days that follow re-facing the fact that there will be no more babies for us.  Strange that – that you can be so totally SURE that you do NOT want any more children but those babies have SUCH a pull.  P and J will just be at home pacing back and forth while patting wide awake baby backs and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star for the 200th time and trying to avoid slipping just a TINY bit of wine into those baby bottles just thanking their lucky stars that they didn’t get EIGHT!  🙂

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One Response

  1. For me, I’m SO definitely done having little ones that I don’t have any of the baby sadness. Not sure if you’ll be pumping or not, but having something else to obsess over after the birth REALLY helped a ton!

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