So you asked…

Alright.  Here is what I have to share about my newest surrogacy:

Shortly after posting that I had to decide what I wanted to do, I figured that if I wanted the perfect IPs to walk up and wave in my face, I should at least do something to help them.  It was pretty clear to me that there wasn’t any family or friends making the call.  I placed a VERY small ad at SMO stating simply that I was a GSX1 (gestational carrier times 1) and looking to do another gestational surrogacy.  I had been contacted by a few people that were all very very nice and it is, I tell you, heart wrenching to know that there are a lot of people out there that you could help but you have to pick ONE.  Eventually though, I did make that choice and I will forever feel bad about the ones that I didn’t pick.  Sorry, I just will.  I hope that they find their carriers and beautiful outcomes all the same.

So, M and R answered my ad.  A truely sweet couple, I was drawn by the amount of time and heartache they have gone through to have this family.  I was drawn by M’s endearing, optimistic way in which she recounted her path.  I was also drawn by how open and accepting she was towards surrogacy and ART in general.  She said to me once, “It would be like being pregnant with my sister.” and my heart melted towards her.  THAT is what I was looking for.

The problem is that they do not live in MN.  I was also looking for someone that lived near us to give me that inclusion that I craved.  I had to work that out with myself because in the end I decided that really, feeling included is a personality thing and not a location thing.  I will very much miss the weekly get togethers and the frequent visits in person, especially at each appointment as I love watching the new family grow.  In exchange for that though, I have someone who is almost as obsessive about calling and talking to me as I am about them.  This is a huge plus because then I don’t have to feel like a giant pain as I intrude on their lives.

So no, no agency.  Speaking of that, I do need to get a cheap MN lawyer who will agree to review the contract in my name so you surros out there, feel free to send me some names.  I feel empowered though, to be doing this myself.  No dumb little surrogate girl that is being told what to do and how to do it by a pandering agency.   No one telling me that they aren’t going to require the IPs to have a psych screening because it isn’t right to require someone to take a test to be a parent.  The IPs and I are on equal footing and are equal partners in this story and that is just what I want it to be. 

Today?  I got to do a sonohystogram for the first time.  It was pretty much cake although now I’m nervous about uterine infection after reading about the sonohystogram on some blogs.  My uterus was stamped all clear so that’s one more step completed.  Also, just for the record, I’m NOT a fan of the plastic speculum.  I don’t care if it isn’t as cold.  Not that I’m a big fan of the metal ones either, but at least the metal ones were smoother, if you catch my meaning.

Also today?  I ran another 3 miles.  This time I completed it in 38 minutes.  Still slow, but getting better.  I figure I’ll just do the best I can until the transfer time.  So, if I don’t get back to my 165 pre-pregnancy weight, I get to just not gain those pounds during the pregnancy, right?

Stacy and Clinton, WTF?

Seriously, I cannot understand how I have not been accosted by this fashion duo yet.  Every morning I go to get dressed and have to deal with the effects that this:
My Weight Chart:
Weight Chart

has done to my closet.  Your body doesn’t do this while your closet stays normal.  I have literally clothing in every size from 10 to 22.  Some maternity, some not.  Some hanging up, some shoved on the shelf above the rack, some shoved in drawers and some just on the floor.  Of all of these clothing items, only a fraction actually fit me at any given time and because it is all so flux – it is usually NOT the items hanging up that fit.  Add to that the fact that MN can go from 30 below to 100 above in a matter of weeks and you see my dilemma.  Add to that the fact that I have ZERO fashion sense and manage to wear the most inappropriate thing possible and you see even more how perplexed I am to have not been asked by some twitchy looking market research person about my personal sense of style.

As for Stacy and Clinton – seriously – I’m a woman working full time in a male dominated computer field with three kids and a military husband who has carried twins for two married gay men and is starting surrogacy #2.  I have lost a daughter at 39 weeks.  I share embarrasing and questionable facts about my life with no regard to privacy and I’m a solstice celebrating pagan.  I’ve also lost 70 pounds in a quest to better myself.  How I have reached 34 years of age and NOT been on TV is a mystery to me.   Forget Stacy and Clinton, Oprah, are you not paying attention???

So anyway, the benevolent scale has today given me 172 which shocked the hell out of me but I’ll take it.  I’ll take anything I can get while on birth control pills before this transfer.  I just did a 30 minute run on the bike today as I was up way too late on the phone with my IM last night.  I love that we all can talk so great and oddly I don’t really feel that tired but I opted to not try something that involved standing up this morning.  I always think the bike is the wussy workout but I was sweating quite a lot by the time I was done.

I suppose…

That it won’t kill me to post another blog.  The trouble is, once it has been a certain amount of time, you feel like you need a title and post subject to sum up EVERYTHING that has happened since the last post and it is very overwhelming.  Well, it would be, if you were more exciting than me anyway.  For me it is just embarrassing as you would THINK there was more to post about.

I do have some exciting things, I guess, so I’ll try to hit what I can recall.

Workouts:  I kinda suck in this regard but oh well.  I have been able to run!  YAY!  My heel has healed and I was finally able to get a 30 minute run in even though it was oh so slow.  I’m pushing to get 5.0 MPH which is a 12 minute mile which is, sadly, sad.  Generally I spend some time walking during that and/or setting the treadmill to 4.8 or 4.9 but all the same, running I have been doing.  Today, in fact, I made the full 3 miles for the first time although it took me about 38 minutes.  Also?  I almost died.  I walked it off for a bit and did my stretching to cool down before attempting to walk down the stairs to the locker room as passing out and nose diving down the stairs is probably not something that would have people in the gym looking at me thinking “How cool is she?”  I thought I was fine once I got down to the locker room but when I was in the shower I started feeling rather ill.  Now, I’m no germ freak or anything like that but all the same, to be feeling bad enough to actually sit down in a public shower is a big deal, I think.  Ick, but at least I did not pass out.  As for the weigh-in, I was dreading this because I hadn’t weighed in for over a week because I had stopped hitting the gym when I went on my trip to MD (to be disclosed later) and between the trip and the drinks and the not-perfect food consumed I was certain my weight would be high.  Anyway, before I left my weight has been super stubborn in moving at all even though I’m quite certain the calories in vs calories out prior to that was sufficient to have lost at least an impressive 4 pounds since my last posting.  Instead, I had been going up and down such that I was about 176 before I left.  Today I gingerly glanced at the scale results with a pre-emptive cringe on my face and was shocked to see 174.  Huh.  Go figure.

Other fronts?  Well, I’m thinking there is no way to get back to my 165 or under before I do another surrogacy round because I have to say, I’ve been matched!  I’m working with a couple from NY, M and R, who are extremely excited to get going NOW.  My OB has OK’d another pregnancy as long as the transfer is after August 3rd and thus a year after my last one.  I’m a little nervous about how soon it is but my new IPs have been working on this for so long and I will do what I can to help.  I’m a bit nervous about the distance but hopefully it will all work out as they are very active in the communication department and I certainly don’t feel isolated.  I already like my new RE WAY WAY WAY better than the old one so that is fun.  I got a call last night for a number to call in my BCP meds to and I got to go pick those up and start them last night.  (Yes, the BCPs are why I don’t foresee any more weight loss in my near future.)  Talk about easy!!  Way better than charging my IPs to overnight the darn things from some Canadian pharmacy!  Plus, the person that was actually calling me with about the meds was the RE herself and not some goofball pharmacy person that could barely spell her own name.  She also asked me to make a phone appointment to just talk to her and get to know her.  Like I said – SO MUCH BETTER! 

In an interesting twist, we are using the same lawyer as we had been through the old agency although as we are NOT going through the agency, he has way less control or even access to things with this surrogacy.  I’m fine with this mostly because I know there are limited numbers of lawyers for this in MN but also because I am bravely ready to ‘chain a dragon to cook my meal’ as the Darkover saying goes.  (Or something like that.  It’s fiction anyway people so it isn’t real and I promise that if Marion Zimmer Bradley were alive she herself would not bat an eye at getting it perfect.)

SO – last but not least – my trip!  I had said that I needed a vacation and I got one!!  There is this message board online for surrogates and they were having a get together.  I’m pretty sure that it was intended for those that had been on the board for longer and really knew everyone but what the hell, right?  I crashed it.  They were amazing and wonderful and very nice people and accepted me into their gathering just like an old dear friend and I had a great time.  I flew out to MD and had a very relaxing time out there.  I even got to see a copperhead snake although I don’t think the snake had a very good time as it ended up dead.  We went out to the Tiki Bar and I got completely toasted on one drink and then I was laughed at for my pathetic tolerance levels.  Oh well.  At least I did nothing to embarrass myself. THAT is saying a lot too as I usually manage to do that sober.

So that is my update.