Anily – my stillbirth story

This is the post I made to the March 03 board at Parent’s Place on the 24th of February, the day after Anily was born.

Anily was born on 2/23/03. Yes, I got to use the name I always wanted, but the circumstances are not good.
I had been in a funk all day Saturday. Baby was moving but kinda slow and I was feeling tired. I had talked with my midwife and the OB line and they all said it sounded like I was preparing for labor and that things were fine. I went to bed that night just feeling tired.

I woke at 4 AM feeling fluid leaking out of me. I went to the bathroom and my pants were all covered in red wettness. My water was leaking and it was really bloody. I called my midwife and she told me to head right to the hospital. We packed up my son, and our family headed to the hospital with my mother on her way to watch Gavin. We got there around 5 or so. I walked to the maternity ward where they dirrected me to the maternal assessment room asside from my telling them that I was in labor and bleeding. I had started contracting every 30 seconds on the trip there. They hooked me up to hear the heartbeat and the only beat we could find was around 110 or so. We didn’t know if it was the baby or mine since I was so upset. After waiting about 40 minutes they FINALLY got the ultrasound machine going and we couldn’t find any movement. The nurse kept saying she didn’t really know how to use the machine but it didn’t take a brain surgeon to see that the baby wasn’t moving. An OB came in and found the heart which wasn’t beating. My husband and I were holding hands and just crying. It was just too unreal for all of us. I was still having contractions and with each one more junk would gush out of me. There was no pain except for the contractions. They called to have some labwork done on me but when they finally noticed how much stuff was coming out they transferred me (leaving a bloody trail the whole way) to labor and delivery. They gathered to talk with me about my options. I didn’t want to give birth to a dead baby. I didn’t want the pain. I didn’t want the reality. I didn’t want the work. They told me the only other thing was a c-section which wouldn’t be in my best interests. I knew that. I just didn’t want to be in that situation. They promised to get me as numb as possible so that it wasn’t hard on me. As they talked about an epidural and what drugs I could get they did blood drawing and put in an IV and a catheter (ouch!) and I continued to have contractions that were getting really painful. Before when I thought a baby was being born, they didn’t really hurt because I was working with them. Now, with all this, it was all I could do to just curl up and sob.

My midwife said that a few weeks ago I had been 2 cent dilated and 60% effaced. I was now about 6 cent dilated and moving fast. Before they even got any drugs in me or could’ve thought about an epidural I was pushing through contractions. It was all so odd because no one was really paying attention to me. No one cared if I pushed or not. It was like since there was no baby alive in there, my progress was of no concern. I just cried and cried and my husband was holding me as I curled up on my side and grabbed the bed bars and pushed through the contractions to make them stop. They’d ask me questions through the contractions about insurrance or some admitting thing or another. I didn’t know or care. My midwife checked me again when I told her I had been pushing through contractions and she said I was at 9 cent and there was a little bit of cervix still in the way. I pushed with the next one and she worked the cervix out of the way and from 8:20 to 8:26 my perfect little girl was pushed out. There was blood everywhere. I got to hold her forever. After about 5 minutes I got a last contraxtion and the placenta came out.

As I held Anily, we looked at the placenta to find out what went wrong. The cord was attached right at the edge of the placenta and it was totally shredded. Also, the bag of waters had large veins running all around it, which is really rare. The thought was that the placent had been pulled from uterus wall because of the bad placing of the cord. That, or the cord became unattached because of that. The other idea was that I had gone into labor and my water broke right across one of the large veins. That would account for all the blood and Anily wouldn’t have made it past a few minutes of that. Since I wasn’t in pain, that was most likely the reason but it could’ve been a combination of all of those. Either way, there was nothing we could’ve done and nothing that means it is likely to happen again. Actually, they said the odds of it ever happening again are astronomical.

There was a lot to be done after it was all over. So many details that I don’t ever want to really remember. We decided to use the name that I had wanted all along considering the circumstances. We filled out for a “stillbirth” certificate. We signed papers and called for funeral arrangments. We cried and cried and cried. My son came in and we talked with him as best we could. He got to see Anily, who was beautiful and perfect and looked like she could wake up at any moment. She was 8 pounds 12 ounces, with dark hair and blue eyes. Afterwards when we got home and talked he said he wanted to bring the baby home. We told him we couldn’t because she had died in mommy’s tummy because something wasn’t made right. He asked if we could fix her and bring her home. Then he asked if the doctors could fix her and bring her home. He asks why she died and why we can’t fix her. We just tell him we don’t know and that we’re very sad. Now he asks everyone that visits if they know why his baby sister died. It breaks my heart.

It was my little girl. The one I’ve always wanted. She was beautiful and perfect. We took pictures of her dressed in the outfit we brought. We talked to her and told he we loved her. I told her how sorry I was that mommy couldn’t keep her safe.

They discharged me today and did the whole “wheelchair” out thing. The person pushing my wheelchair brought me down to the area where the cars were coming around to pick up people being discharged. There was another new mom sitting there waiting for her car with her little baby in her arms and her balloons and carseat and “it’s a boy!” cards right there. The wheelchair driver parked my chair right next to hers right in line. I almost died.

Tomorrow we will be talking with the funeral dirrector to go over the details.

We’re just trying to pick up our lives and take each day as we can. My son is a great deal of comfort to me, but he is a lot of sadness as well as I want so badly to protect him from this pain. He may be young but I can see in his eyes that he knows there is pain there. We have thought about TTC again and we will probably try shortly. I’m so saddened about losing my girl though. There are, of course, no gaurentees that the next would be a girl and even if she was I will never be able to make this loss go away. I just don’t want to make our family life centered on this loss. I want a healthy life for all of us including Gavin and any future child we may have. I don’t even know how to fit this in to a healthy degree.

Thank you for your support over this pregnancy and I wish you all the best in the wonderful outcomes I know you will have.

-Robyn, Gavin 7-11-99, Anily ~i~ 2-23-03

Anily was stillborn due to a possible velamentous cord insertion. This is a rare occurance where the cord attached to the amniotic membranes and the vessels travel to the placenta unprotected. This is a diagnosable condition and her death could have been prevented.


64 Responses

  1. I felt like putting in an update now that it has been ~5 years. Rereading that post is weird. It is not what I remember exactly and it feels really void of emotions. Talking about having another and wanting a girl and all that. I have to say that the person that wrote that post, not even 24 hours after losing her daughter, didn’t understand yet what had happened. That person hadn’t yet accepted and taken ownership of those events.

    I did end up getting pregnant again and Jessie was born 6/2/04. That was hands down the worst pregnancy of my life. Not that I was sick a lot or anything, but I was beside myself with worry. I listened to her heart beating every single night, often all night long. We ended up doing an amnio at ~36 weeks and inducing. Yes, it was a very early induction for really no reason – but you’d have had to have been in my head at the time to understand where I was. I wanted that baby out of me before my body had a chance to kill her. I was simply 100% unwilling to be pregnant up to the point at which I went into labor with Anily. I kept trying to tell myself I’d regret it if I never enjoyed her pregnancy but you know, I don’t. I have Jessie here now and I’m ever so thankful.

    I also have my younger son, Asher, who was born 5/22/06. That was a very easy pregnancy although I had an odd freakout right when I found out I was pregnant for sure again. He ended up being past due by a few days and induced. He was due on the 18th I think.

    I know everyone knows it in their heads – another baby doesn’t make up for the loss. I knew it too. But the reality is that not even a little, not even kind of, not even at all does it soften that loss. Nothing does… and yet… all the time you find yourself being less and less and less consumed by thinking and feeling that loss all the time. You also find pride in your baby. You find love and joy in the time you had.

    I wear a little amethyst heart ring on my right hand. It is nearly always with me. My way of holding onto my little girl when there is nothing else tangible. My baby, my Anily, I love you forever.

    • Thank you for sharing your story about your beutiful baby girl Anily. I just wanted you to know that I came across your posting today when as a Labor and Delivery nurse I was researching Vilamentous cord insertions. Your posting has tought me much more than eductating me on this terrible condition. It has given me insight on the families emotions and feelings during this very difficult time.
      Thank you again for teaching me compassion and understanding (even if I don’t understand completely). I know Anily is still very loved to this day. Just know her story did change someone’s life today.

      • Thank you for sharing your story. I am a labor and delivery nurse and reading your story has showed me how some nurses are not compassionate. It is hard for those who have not gone through anything like this to understand how the parents are feeling. No one means to be less compassionate but it does happen. I am very sorry for your loss and thank you again for sharing your story. Not only does it help those parents who are going through the same things that you went through but it also helps those around them know how to handle it as well. Anily knows that she is loved and that one day you will be with her again.

    • I am so terribly sorry for your loss, though I know it was a while ago. I just wanted to tell you that I am currently working on a science project for highschool and I was wondering If I could use the beautiful picture of your baby girl in it? My topic is the tragetiy of stillbirths.
      I am so sorry, my heart goes out to you and your family.

    • Oh I am very sad and happy at the same time! I’m crying over your loss! But I’m so happy you got another chance! Your a very strong woman! I admire you! Best wishes. Bless u and ur family!

    • I recently lost my little girl 12-19-12. As I read your story I couldn’t hold the tears back when you said that you were sorry mommy couldn’t keep her safe. As I said the same to mine. I felt I should’ve known I’m her mother and she grew inside me. I feel like I failed her. But what can we do when we don’t know what’s going on inside? I’m so scared to try again but I will. I have faith and pray to god to please give me another child i can see grow. I know the feeling of your older child asking why can’t you bring the baby home. It’s the worst thing you have to go through. Parents are not meant to bury our children. And I feel so sorry for those who are experiencing it now and who will in the future. You are bringing my faith stonger to being able to become pregnant once again and have the chance to bring my baby home.

      • I completely understand, I am a first time mum and we lost our little girl at 39 weeks due to a silent placenta abruption on 16th January 2013. We only buried her a week ago and I too feel the same that as a nurse and a new mum, I should be keeping her safe and should have been aware but I had no bleeding or abdo pains. I feel a failure to our little girl. So I had no idea that she had passed until I went for a check up with midwife a couple of days after a hospital appointment back then she was fine. I have a longing to get pregnant again soon as I can’t bear it, as I feel I have a yearning to hold and cuddle my baby. The only thing it scares me the amount of stress I will go to ensure my next pregnancy is safe and I don’t want to stress my future baby. I hope my grief doesn’t stop me from getting pregnant, as being an older mum and Leona was our first child I am pretified that I won’t be a mum, which I so long to be a mum.

    • I feel for you it happened to my grand daughter. So glad you have a healthy family now.l cried reading your love and blessings are being sent to you xxxxx Sandy THomas x

    • Thank you for your update. Being in the early months of what you went through I find comfort in reading update of how people are a few years down the line. (And now 15 years down the line!)

    • so sorry you had to go through the pain of still birth I am happy you have had two more healthy children.

  2. I am so sorry. I know can “feel” your story. I had my baby at 5 1/2 months and 6 miscarriages. I loved each baby. I felt every movement and can remember the little “flutters” of life within me. I still grieve at times. I can’t imagine that I went through such trauma. But I did. I cried for your loss of little Anily, and for your husband and little Gavin who kept asking about her. I think the idea of the little amethyst ring is a precious way to remember her.

    This happened to Stacy when Tyler was four. He also kept asking everyone about his baby brother.

    XO Blessed Be, Robyn- you’re a beautiful mother!

  3. I read your birth story. I am crying. Trite, I know, life is so cruel sometimes. Anily is a beautiful name, and I am sure she was a beautiful little girl xxxx

  4. Thanks for putting up Anily’s picture, she’s as gorgeous as I knew she would be.

    I am glad you have 2 other children now, not as any way making up for Anily, but you sound a lovely person and your children are very lucky! xxx

  5. So sorry about the loss of your precious baby!

    Anily is an angel!

  6. i cried when i read this it was sad im sorry about your lost she was beautiful…..

  7. We lost our son April 1, stillborn, no known reason as of yet. I’m so sorry you lost Anily. This is a heartbreaking journey. 😦

  8. What a very sensitively told, difficult story. My heart cries for you. Love Charlotte from Froxfield, England.

  9. This is tragic. Bless you and your amazing family for your loss. A baby born to beautiful to this earth. X x

  10. the story was an encouragement to me because i just lost my first baby about two month was so painful but my hope is in God.I know my baby is save with him in heaven. thanks for sharing your story

  11. iam really touched its been 9months since i lost my baby,they were twins but the other survived not a day goes by without me thinking abt my baby,but I told myself not to question God y…but to embrace the joys my beautiful gal gives me……life

  12. Your story is almost completely identical to mine, including the emotions experienced. Our second baby, a girl, had the exact same cord issues, and my subsequent pregnancies, while uneventful, were not joyous, hopeful, or peaceful. I was in a constant state of terror, depression, and fear. Not until those babies were out did I let myself feel the bittersweet emotions of having one baby, and not having another. It’s been a long long time, 1983, since it happened to us, and while I don’t dwell on it as I did in the beginning, the pain can still sear, and it comes unexpectedly, even though I now have four living kids and a granddaughter.

    My daughter’s pregnancy was the worst for me, I was petrified something horrible would happen and she would have to carry the same type of burden in her life. Her baby was fine and is now 3, and I sort of hope they don’t have any more, it’s just so profoundly difficult for me on many levels to deal with her pregnancy and labor and delivery. It churned everything up for me, I was a complete mess when she was having the baby.

  13. I’m in tears after reading your story. I was 9 months pregnant when I lost my first baby – my son Conor – by a silent placental abruption. That was 22 years ago and every now and again I can be back there in the delivery room feeling the heartbreak. I take joy in my two subsequent children who have grown up knowing they had an older brother – that’s important to me. So thank you for sharing – it does help others.

  14. I am in tears reading your story. I am 20 years old and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl On April 6th, 2010She was 6lbs 3oz an 17 inches long. Everything was fine an she was healthy and we took her home after being in the hospital for two days. Two weeks later I went to pick her up out of her crib at 5am to feed her like usual and found her laying there not breathing or anything. SIDS. I didn’t really know to much about it before and really didnt think anything about it because my baby was a healthy little girl. It kills me to this day, My little 4 year old sister constantly asks “wheres abigail, Why did she have to leave us?” I really dont know how to answer her but say that Abigail left because god wanted another little angel baby to help him keep an eye on all of us. I cant say I know how you feel about this But I can say that I do know how you feel about loosing something so precious. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about my little girl an think about who she would be today an what she would look like. She will be 2yearsold on April 6th 2012 an that day is going to be real hard on Me an Abi’s daddy an the rest of the family. Abi father and I are married an I am currently expecting twins. I Thank you so much for sharing your story it meant so much to me. May your beautiful baby girl rest in peace.

  15. I am sorry for your loss. No one should ever have to go through the loss of a child. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with my little girl, Nerissa and had 2 previous miscarriages 2 years ago. I pray and worry every single day for my little girl. Best wishes to you and your family. Take care!

  16. I had an undiagnosed velamentous cord with my first. On top of that, I also had a placental abruption. All of this occurred at 36wks. We were one of the lucky few whose baby survives. I also suffered an abruption at 35 and 32wks with my youngest 2, despite NO risk factors. I was terrified that should we get pregnant again, I would abrupt and not be lucky. My baby brother died from an abruption on 12/9/01. Sure enough, I became pregnant for a 5th time in 8/10. After 9wks, we lost our beauty. When we found out about this child, I did not feel excitement, rather extreme terror. I was so scared that I did not enjoy a single moment as I could only think of how early this baby would be born. Would this baby survive the abruption and possible velementous cord. When I began to bleed at 9wks, I felt like my world had shattered. Like I was being punished for not being excited. Since then, I had to have a hysterectomy for medical reasons – more guilt because my last time to carry a life within, I could not even rejoice.

    Thank you for sharing your raw emotions. I cannot imagine the pain your heart must feel. I wish you and your family the absolute best in all that life has to offer. What courage you exhibit to be open to new life after all you went through with Anily.

    Love and prayers.

  17. i lost my baby girl on 21st sep 2012, it was my first child. My story is so similar to yours, while reading the post, i felt like i went thru the horrifying incident all over again. My baby was 9 months and 15 days old, and she was perfect. I am so terrified to be pregnant again but your story encourages me. Thanks for posting. God bless u!

  18. Thank you for sharing your story. My son was born sleeping on 11/27/2012. The pain will never go away. Pathology report stated that my son died of a common bacteria known as Strep B. As a way to heal, my husband and I started a website to advocate for our son and promote awareness to others on conditions that can take our babies away. If you would like to share your story, please visit My husband and I will continue to promote awareness and the voice for our son. I will continue to pray for everyone that has lost a child and ask the Lord to bring us peace and comfort.

    Thank you,


    • Gaby, I wanted to reply to your post because when I see anything with the date January 1 2013 my heart stands still. That is the day that my little Girl Quinn died. She was due on the 11th of Jan but she stopped moving during the afternoon of January 1st. She was delivered by c-section that night. Her cause of death was a true umbilical knot. I held her for what was far too short a time. She was beautiful and perfect and I still wish I had given her a little kiss. This is perhaps that biggest regret of my life. I have still not had a service for her. I have her ashes in a memory box but I’m not sure how I would be able to let go and honour her short little life with a ‘service’. I am so sorry for the loss of you baby boy and all the other babies who die before they really get a chance to live this life.
      Warm regards,

  19. Thank you for sharing your story. My niece is enduring the loss of her little girl at 38 weeks in utero. She too felt very tired and went to bed that night with the comment that she hadn’t felt much movement from the baby throughout the day. When she felt no movement in the night she tried things that might stimulate the baby as instructed. She went to the hospital the next morning and was informed that the baby had died. They will be inducing her today and it helps me in praying for the family to know what she might be experiencing now and in the coming days.

  20. This story was so touching because I have had a stillborn baby girl myself. Her name was Kayla, and I miss her a lot. She was to be my first child, and she was stillborn the same reason Anily was. Now I have 2 kids.

  21. I am a first time mum at 43 and we lost our little girl at 39 weeks due to a silent placenta abruption on 16th January 2013. We only buried her a week ago and I too feel the same that as a nurse and a new mum, I should be keeping her safe and should have been aware but I had no bleeding or abdo pains. I feel a failure to our little girl. So I had no idea that she had passed until I went for a check up with midwife a couple of days after a hospital appointment which she was fine at that time. I have a longing to get pregnant again soon as I can’t bear it, as I feel I have a yearning to hold and cuddle my baby. The only thing it scares me the amount of stress I will go to ensure my next pregnancy is safe and I don’t want to stress my future baby. Also I hope my grief doesn’t stop me from getting pregnant, as being an older mum and Leona was our first child I am pretified that I won’t be a mum, which I so long to be a mum and time is going so slow as I am on maternity leave and I miss my little girl alot.

  22. I am so sorry… You must be a great mother. God bless you ❤

  23. I’m pregnant and I wouldn’t be able to take it if my baby came out stillborn. I’m praying to the GOOD LORD that I don’t give birth to a dead child. I’ll be so heart broken. I love and care about babies way to much to experience something so hurtful. I’m very sorry this happen to you and may GOD bless you and your baby is in heaven just where she belongs because she’s a beautiful lil ANGEL! and ANGELS belong in heaven!

    • Leslie.. you are an idiot. You shouldn’t have written anything at all. I am a mommy who recently lossed our beautiful baby girl at almost 38 weeks pregnant. All of us mothers who have had to experience this tragic time in our lives didn’t ever even think this would happen to us in a million years . No pregnant woman does!!! All of us women on here love our babies too much to go through what we have gone through. You have angered me very much with your ignorance. All I can say is you are a fool and I hope you don’t have to endure the pain that we have. And then all the stupid comments you have to hear from foolish people like yourself during the saddest and hardest time of your life. Caro is so right when she told you our babies belong here too. You are a damn fool and i hope you learn to think twice before u share your thoughts.

      • Exactly what Valerie said. Goodness if it was only that simple and that love could have stopped our babies dying!
        Love however ladies will keep the memory of our very precious little ones alive xxx

      • You are right ladies parents should not burry their children. I have a daughter and a son was having another son but like you say he was born sleeping. He looked so handsome and innocent. I love my children but I still miss and love my baby boy who was born and buried on his birthday. My husband is so loving, caring and supportive but am devastated. Uganda being third world conditions such as abrupt placenta are hard to detect . I want to begin a foundation in my son’s name to help facilitate healthy facilities in third world countries like Uganda .Hilda.

  24. Gosh Leslie, I think we all love and care about our babies too much to have experienced the tragedies we have. I hope that your baby will be born healthy and I’m sure it will. We did not choose for this outcome and, no, our babies do not belong in heaven, they belong here on earth with us…unfortunately that is not what has happened.
    Sorry if I sound angry, but your comment does come off a little insensitive.

    • I am so sorry for all of you who have lost a baby/child. My situation is not the same, I lost my 5 baby,which was my 4th pregnancy April 21st 13. I was 10 Weeks pregnant. I cried for Weeks and tried to find the answer as to why baby had died. I had naturally delivered twins in may 2012 so I always believed any pregnancy I had would go smoothly. Now I can’t imagine getting pregnant again and would be far to scared to. All of you are so so strong. Leslie,please look at what you have written it does come across insensitive. Yes we pray your baby is born healthy and well and he is surrounded by love,but just know all the mothers and fathers who lost a child through still birth or sids didn’t know it was going to happen and could do nothing to prevent….love to you all and your angel babies

  25. If this is a diagnosable condition then why wasn’t it ? I would be suing the Dr. & the Ultrasound Clinic ! Not to put a price on your Daughter but to make sure no other family has to go through this loss !

  26. You were extremely brave and courageous Thank you for sharing your story with us you courage and love is an inspiration to all of us who have lost a child. All though we don’t know each other we are connected by the experience your strength has helped me to move on and be strong too. Beautiful children we love you all

    • I had a little baby that was still born at full term, his name is Christopher & this year he would have been 24years old.
      Going through delivery when you know your beautiful baby is going to be born asleep forever is the most tragic and heart wrenching experience any parent can go through, there is no baby crying just utter silence.
      We had our baby cremated but I have just finished the process of bringing my baby’s ashes home and putting them in a beautiful memorial bear so I can now cuddle the bear and feel close to my precious angel.

      • Hi. I got ash necklaces for my husband, our first daughter, and myself so that we can all carry our beautiful baby Khalia everywhere we go. We have her little urn in our room with us on a bookshelf with a little baby lion stuffed animal next to her. We just lossed her on july 31 2013 and are coping with the deepest pain we ever thought possible . I am happy to hear you brought your little Christopher home with you and I hope it brings you comfort. Our necklaces bring us comfort and they are very precious to us. My heart goes out to you and your family

  27. Hello I Love your story I also lost my baby boy on 03/04/13 ona Monday I never fforget the moments I know exactly what you went thru it is so hard and you sometimes want to blame your self but,only God knew what was best for our babies our lil Angels I am so happy for you that you have more lil ones like you said I know other babies do not replace the one we lost but I am happy for you many Blessings.

  28. Im so sorry 4 ur loss.I am 2 a mommy of a fullterm baby boy Angel was born sleepin on his due date feb 5,2007 the cord was wrapped around his neck twice.its a pain that still kills me inside.n even after god blessed me with 2 other beautiful girls u always think of the one not here with u.Gone but never never forgotten.Gone from our sight but never from our memories , Gone from our touch but never never from our hearts..

  29. My heart goes out to all the mommies and daddies who have had to endure this pain. I gave birth to my sleeping baby girl, Valerie Annette Santillan, on 10/05/2013 at 38 weeks. She will always be my little sweetie and I will always hold her in my heart. She was born and was so much more beautiful than anything I could have ever imagined. I can picture her little face when I close my eyes and I will always treasure the short amount of time I got to be with my little lady.

    • Hi. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your valerie. My khalia passed away in july of this year also at 38 weeks. It has been the hardest saddest months of my life. If you ever wanna email me to vent or whatever feel free… I know I wish I had a mom who experienced the same thing to talk to. No one understands what we are going through unless they have gone through it. My prayers go out to you and your family.

  30. Hello.. Thank you for sharing your story.. I delivered my angel baby 6 days ago and he was asleep. We found out the day before that he had gone to be with Jesus early because he hadn’t moved all day even though he was usually very very active. He was 35 weeks 4 days. I can’t say I know exactly how you felt when you lost your precious anily so suddenly but I feel the pain… I’m trying to get through each day without feeling like my baby was stolen from me. Doing better each day but there are bad days. I felt the need to drop you a line because even though I read your blog entry a few days back… I just realised that your younger boy is named Asher. My angel baby was named Asher too… Hope you are keeping well. If you have time at all.. Would love to hear from you on how you coped. How you found your strength again…

    • Hi. I am so sorry Asher passed away. My daughter also passed away full term in july of last year. I know the heart wrenching pain you feel. if you ever need someone to talk to my email is

  31. My mums water broke last night around 9 o’clock. She is still 3 weeks away fr her due date. As well as the water works she started bleeding heavily. We called the Ambluance who had know idea what was going on but said they can’t find the baby’s heart beat. At the point my dad was in shock and didn’t know what to do. We got to the hospital and doctors kept trying to look for a heart beat but couldn’t but then the doctor later told us the baby died two days ago as he wasn’t reciving oxygen. Mum still had to go through labour which was horrific and gave birth to a baby boy. He was so beautiful and so healthy. As this is all just happened early this morning. My mum and dad are finding it so hard to bear I don’t know what I can do for them that would make them feel any better?

    I’ve been reading about other families and how they have gone through the same situation but it’s just so hard.

  32. God bless you are a strong woman. I wish nothing but the best for you and your family! Your children have a very strong mother and should be very proud of you. Keep your chin up. Your daughter is smiling down on you.

  33. Thank you for having the strength to share your story. Your blog has, I’m sure, provided a lot of guidance for others, as well. I wonder how you and your family are getting along, ten years on. Does it get any easier? Did you have the courage to try again? I hope your heart has healed (to whatever extent that is possible). All the best to you and your family!

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  36. Hi to all mommies of angels, I too had a beautiful baby boy who ws also born sleeping at 38weeks and was so gorgous, he ws my first born I am from South Africa and trust me experiencing such in public hospitals is very dreadful, nurses don’t reali care of how u feel, only one nurse helped me give birth to my boy while others kept peeping through the curtain sheet to, I will forever love my boy I named him Lonwabo which means being happy bt how he left me was opposite of his name coz I felt so empty n lonely, so I’m soo happy u shared your experience with other moMmies of sleeping angels, you have given me hope , God bless u all…

  37. First I would like to say how deeply sorry I am about your loss , Words can not express how sad and unfair it is for you and your family .
    I was just looking up about this condition and I found your story as I to had this condition but not find out till after I had my son . This condition can be picked up and so many little baby’s life’s could be saved . I wish I knew how to campaign to hight light this and to make the medical profession look at doing a More intensive scan when you go at 20 weeks . I even said all the way through my pregnancy something was wrong And I had a third scan and again nothing picked up . My son did survive but we were so close to lossing him the only thing that saved him was the fact I had a massive cord and it was all in fornt of him so it stoped the cords from breaking away as he could not move down when my waters broke.
    I’m so great full you have sheared your story with us and I hope it will highlight this condition and to all midwifes and medical staff and I would say please listen to the mothers as I was not and I could be telling the same story as Anily mummy to .

  38. Stolen

  39. I lost my twin girls, Lacee and abril, i miscarried one of my little girls the doctor checked me out afterwards and said lacee was healthy two months later I went into what I thought was labor… I was only 6 months and 2 weeks into my pregnancy.. My beautiful little girl was born stillborn I lost both my babies and I can’t understand why

    • Am sorry for every mum that has gone through this,i lost my baby gal Natalia 2/10/ 34 weeks 5days.she was born first baby….she developed hydrothorax…ie water in the left lung.the pain is forever,i miss her so sorry for all your losses and i feel bad too,i cdnt keep my baby safe.may God see us through n protect our little angels.i send all of you hugs n God’s comfort.

  40. I am very sorry that you lost your little girl I am lucky and have been blessed with two lovely sons and dont know your pain all the best for your future.

  41. 20th December 2016, my world collapsed around me as I found out my baby had died inside me at 30 weeks gestation. It was my first pregnancy, and after 8 1/2 years of marriage I got pregnant without any medical intervention.My pregnancy was great until 12 weeks. In my 12 Weeks scan I was told there was an abnormality with my baby’s growth. I was offered the choice to abort my child but I was against this. Every time I went for check-up and they told me they are concern but not confirm. I had many scans, tests and appointments.Doctors told me future of my baby boy didn’t look good. But I continue my pregnancy till 30 weeks with a strong hope. On 29 weeks 6 days I went to hospital for my routine check-up and I learnt that my first child, my son had passed away .There was no heartbeat when sonographers scan me with probe. I started crying hysterically as the sonographer checked again but nothing, no heartbeat, no movement. It felt like our hearts were being ripped out. I kept asking ‘Why?’ but they didn’t have an answer. My whole body was shaking. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, remove me from this pain. Doctor told me to go home and then come back tomorrow or day after tomorrow to admitted. Then she explained I need to give natural birth because a natural delivery would be better for me physically and emotionally. The hospital didn’t have a bed so I have to wait for a call to let me know when I can go and give birth to my lifeless baby. So we walked to the car in silence and went home. At home we crumbled together. Then I started to feel sick, I had a lifeless baby in my womb. I didn’t know how to feel, it was horrendous. Then my husband keeps calling to hospital to arrange a bed for me and after few hours they called us and tell me to come in. When we arrived I froze, doubled over in pain, emotional pain. I couldn’t do this, how could anyone? Irrationally, I was secretly hoping I’d feel a kick or movement. What if they’d made a mistake?
    Next day, they gave me medication to induce labour and I had to wait a further 48 hours for my labour to come on. They offered me an epidural, but I couldn’t do it. I needed to own it. I needed the pain, the agony, and misery to mirror what I felt in my heart. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done ever. Dealing with the unbearable contractions, knowing that all of it was for nothing.I was delivering a lifeless child. My delivery was so complicated and at one point of my labour I was about to die. I survived only to save my poor husband from suffering another loss. I delivered my precious son on 21st December 2016 at 11.35 pm. Then they check for the placenta, the cord snapped and it hasn’t come out. They continued checking through the night but nothing. Then doctor says if my placenta doesn’t come out they’ll need to take me to theatre to remove it, subsequently 2 hours later the placenta removed manually.
    The hardest part was letting him go when he was being taken for the burial, knowing this is the last moment with him I gave him a goodbye kiss and sent him off!
    Knowing he is in heaven and in a much better place brings great ease to my heart! It’s also brought me much closer to my creator and if it wasn’t for my faith I would be lost. Though he was stillborn but still breathing in my heart and always. I was going to be a mother of a beautiful boy, now I am a mother of an angel. My precious son name is AARIB MOHAMMAD HOSSAIN. To this day, and for the rest of my life I will remember how sweet he smell, like a never ending horizon of roses, a river of the sweetest honey, his smell, I can smell it now.

  42. I was curious why stillborns are referred to as. Born sleeping. I watched a video the other night. A pastor read a verse from Revelations where Jesus referred to Lazurus as his spirit was sleeping. I think that also refers to your sleeping babies. They are not gone but his/her soul is Sleeping waiting for you AND Dad to join them in heaven. Not Dead, BABY spirits are sleeping.

  43. Am so sorry am Hilda from Uganda I also lost a son two weeks ago due to placental abruption.

  44. I am so sorry for your loss. I also experienced placenta abruption…not once, but 3 times. My oldest daughter was born without a single problem although I was only 15 at the time. But fast forward 7 years, I’m married and happily expecting “our” first child, I felt like superwoman, loved being pregnant! Then at 36 weeks I woke up to the worse cramp I had ever had! Stood up and blood gushed everywhere! Straight to the hospital where the nurses let me know my child was dead, not that they couldn’t find a heart beat, not that there might be problems…just flat out…your baby is dead. They stuck me in this little room and basically forgot about me. My doctor couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed since” there was nothing he could do anyway”. I laid in that room alone, they wouldn’t let my husband or parents come back. Finally, I had to use the facilities and delivered my son ( who was breech) in the toilet. Except his head, my cervix clamped down before his head came out, so I laid there with my son half in and out waiting for my doctor to finally get there. When he did, I was almost hysterical, and all he did was told me to shut the ” F” up, all that crying wasn’t helping anyone. They gave me something to open my cervix back up and finally my son was born! They wouldn’t let me see him, hold him or anything…I never got to bury him, they sent him for an autopsy and I never got him back. Fast forward 11 months…I’m at 30 weeks and again feeling like superwoman( but scared as hell!!), I have changed doctors, different hospital etc. My new doctor assured me that this very rarely happens twice, so when it did…we were all shocked. My second son was born sleeping 11 months to the day after his big brother, though the circumstances where horrible, it was a better experience, I had a 24/7 nurse in my room, I was never alone and they let me hold and love on my son before they took him to the funeral home. The funeral home donated everything to bury my son including the headstone that they put both boys names on for me. Matthew–7/19/1985 and Daniel Joseph 6/19/1986. 2 years later I’m pregnant again…and again… My son is born sleeping at 34 weeks. Paul 8/21/88. 3 years later, I’m pregnant again, very uneventful pregnancy except for the fact I went to the Dr 2 times a week from the day I found out until I was 20 weeks then it was everyday,(Including weekends).. We did sonograms every visit and I delivered a healthy baby girl in 1991!! 2 miscarriages later, in 1995 I delivered a 14lb baby boy ( ” Congratulations, you have a toddler!” Were my Drs words! Lol). It’s now 32 years since my first son, I can’t say it ever hurts less, or that the pain ever goes away. But with God’s love, and knowing the Good Lord needed my children by his side more than I did, it makes it bearable. I will be with all my children again someday in his house!!

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