The veil grows thin

Happy Samhain!  (Pronounced Sowen with a long O.)  In theory (pagan theory, anyway) this is the time of year (one of two) when the spirit world and the mundane world come as near to each other as they will.  Beltane, in the spring, is the other time.  Now is when Father Sun passes on and the final harvest is brought in.  Now is the time to honor death and endings and the passing of the cycle of life so that rebirth and renewal may happen.  Do you think that if I tell my 2 year old that, he will honor my request to end his time with diapers?  (Um, probably not, although for the curious I do intend to spring that fun time of life onto him in Decemeber when I can take some time off of work to be home with him.  I’m not holding my breath that it will work.)

In practise, we celebrate just like everyone else.  Mostly because everyone else celebrates Halloween as if they were pagans so we just go along with it.  The kids dress up, we hand out candy, and we go out to greet our neighbors often for the first and only time of the year.  Honestly I think there should be more holidays that call on the hospitality of your neighbors, however that would mean that I’d have to admit that I could set up a gathering at my place and invite my neighbors at any time of the year and I just don’t. 

Due to the candy filled nature of this particular holiday and due to my love of chocolate, I’ve come up with some resolves to get me through this weekend without losing all the ground I’ve worked on over the week in the gym.  ONE piece of candy.  One.  I don’t know whether to laugh or cry it is all so horrid but it is needed.  I did very well weight-wise over the last few weeks only to ruin it on the weekends.  Normal weekends.  I went up FOUR whole pounds last weekend and as of this morning had only managed to recover 2 of those.  So one piece it is.  I’ve decided that I can earn another piece by going to work out on Sat and/or Sun.  All the same, this isn’t easy.

To give an example:  There are pumpkin frosted sugar cookies on the counters here at work.  Pumpkin bars in one of the cubes.  Scheduled trick or treat walks around the building where the management is handing out candy.  It isn’t even 10:30 people. 

Tonight should be interesting indeed.

Yesterday I felt what I knew to be the babies moving.  Actually, baby B.  baby A is, by definition, lower down and harder to feel for sure.  Luke, however, is a very active little fetus and I fear for the safety of my ribcage when those leg bones and muscles get stronger.  With the placentas being on exact opposite sides, fundal and, well, not fundal as I don’t really want to say ‘near the cervix’ as I’m still in my own medically backed up state of denial, I’m hoping it will not be too hard to tell Luke from Leia as they grow bigger and take up more space.

It’s all in your head

Today is a good day.  Why?  Because I was happy with the results in the gym.  I know.  Actually, I’ve been pretty busy at work too with things that I enjoy doing and I’ve been feeling quite good physically so that helps.  Still, one would think that by now I’d know how to not let the results on the scale after my workout color my whole day.  Anyway, I nudged another step towards normal for today so that is good.  I found out that the graph I had been reading that I THOUGHT was telling me normal weight gain for a twin pregnancy in the 2nd triwas ~2 pounds per week is REALLY telling me that it is about 1 pound per week.  D’oh!  Not that it changes anything practical but it does mean that it won’t be as easy as I thought it would be to kinda tread water while the weeks caught up with my weight.  I thought I was doing so uber well to have only gained 2 pounds in the last 17 days but apparently, that’s very nearly spot on for what I should be doing even if I hadn’t turned into the monster that ate Uptown between week 8 and week 13.  I’ve found that I am where I should be if I had started the pregnancy at 175 pounds.  This means that I have 10 pounds of totally NON-pregnancy related weight.  *sigh*  *Shakes head*  No, today was a good day.  I’m not going to stress about what I’m already fixing.

Yesterday I decided to treat myself to a salad from the Bob’s Produce grocery store down the street.  It’s this little local store that has a really nice salad bar with really fresh (unlike our dumb work cafe) fruits and veggies.  As I went down the line picking out all my favorites like a newbie employee at the office supply cabinet, I came to the imitation crab meat.  Normally, I love this stuff.  I’m not a fan of mystery meat but I’m going with the assumption that it is some kind of fish that just looks like crab meat (without any processing at all, of course) so I try not to think about it too much.  I didn’t get any that time.  You see, P has asked me a few times about if it is hard to avoid eating things you shouldn’t eat while pregnant.  This question baffles me a bit as I’ve spent about 10 years of my life pregnant or trying to get pregnant or nursing and I’ve never actually avoided eating anything.  Based on wanting to be a good little surrogate, I looked up online things that you shouldn’t eat while pregnant and, um, scared the shit out of myself.  While logically I know that most of that is, well, not true, I have a hard time ignoring it when this isn’t MY pregnancy.  Since I didn’t remember what kind of fish is used in imitation crab, and even if I had I didn’t remember what kind of fish the list said not to eat, I just left it.  How fun is it being mental??

Let’s talk birth day

Even with Leia trying to get away with a possible placenta previa, not to mention a breech presenation at just 12 weeks gestation, we’re going to talk about vaginal childbirth for a moment.  Having gone through said event 4 times in my life,  one would think I was fairly well qualified to do it again.  I do have a question, however. 

Pushing out twins.  Is it different??  I’ve been reading up on twin birth stories and most of the time, no one says anything.  Sometimes, however, a woman will state that it is MUCH different to push out that first twin than it is to birth a singleton.  One woman said that she felt she was only able to push on twin B and thus twin A was just getting the second hand push of force through twin B.  This sounds really horrible for the two of them but since it also sounds really horrible to me to be squashed into claustrophobic confinement with your sibling for 9 months I guess I won’t judge what it is like to be a fetus.  Any of you with multiple birth experiences… is it different to push with twin A?

OK, here is something else.  I was looking up different positions to push from.  I came across this picture:    Now, is it just me, or is it TOTALLY wrong that the woman in this picture looks all pleasant and smiley and as though she’s planting flowers in her garden and not actively evacuating an object the size of the pumpkin we just carved last night through her birth canal?  Really?  Has anyone actually birthed this way?  My memory of the actual moments of crowning and pushing were that it hurt so bad there was searing pain through my entire pelvis and I couldn’t even function enough to wipe snot off my face let alone suspend myself in a pathetic attempt at a chin up while crouching on a tipsy bed matress.  Logically, it makes sense… when you think about it with that casual dorky grin the woman in the picture is wearing.  In reality, in that moment of reality, is it actually possible, let alone an effective and positive way to give birth?  Just in case you aren’t in the ‘twin’ frame of mind, I give you 40 weeks: 

Moving right along

It is crazy how fast times goes when you are looking back.  Except for the last 45 minutes when I was on a conference call at work and I SWEAR to you time stopped, these past 13 or so weeks have been speeding by.  I now look clearly pregnant and it makes for some interesting conversations.  The things strangers ask pregnant women don’t exactly fit with surrogacy situations, but it is sure fun thinking of creative answers.  My husband is amusing himself by telling people that his wife is pregnant with twins and they aren’t his.  For that matter, I’m amusing myself by telling people that I’m pregnant with twins and they aren’t mine as well.  I get funnier looks than he does though.

My friend Michelle (linked on the side, life at 100 MPH) gave me a TON of maternity clothing this weekend!  I haven’t tried them all on but the first pair of jeans I pulled out were a size large so I was nervous that they would be too small.  They fit PERFECTLY!  YAY!  I now have to go through the rest of it and find out what will fit and all that.  There are a lot of tank tops and sleeveless shirts, and being due in April means I will either have to figure out how to wear them over longer sleeved tees or they may not get worn.  I’m really excited about the tanks though because I was stressing about what I was going to wear at the gym.  I wear tank tops under EVERYTHING that I wear.  It makes me feel better knowing that my belly is being contained.  Allowing for a tank under everything AND a different tank at the gym means I’d go through a lot.  In the summer I can leave the gym clothes out in the back of my car and they’d dry so I could wear them more than once but in the winter they never dry and thus they don’t smell so great even after just one use.  (Plus, I’m not thrilled with the idea of putting on a slightly damp shirt that has been sitting in my frozen car overnight.)  I think I’m pretty well set now though!  Thanks Michelle!!

Speaking of the gym, this morning went well.  If you include finding a science book review in your son’s homework folder that you (and HE) forgot about that is due today as ‘well’.  I woke him up before leaving and hope that he managed to actually do it.  After my workout I decided to try a shower that is not as warm to see if I wouldn’t get so drained during it.  Normally I need the water just barely hot.  I’m not into the really hot showers.  I left it slightly colder than I was comfortable with today and while I didn’t get so tired, it was COLD so, ya know, pick your greater evil I guess.  Then I almost slipped and fell while walking from the shower to my locker.  You know, trying to hold shampoo, conditioner, razor and locker key in your arms while hoping to keep the ever expanding section of your body that is exposed when the towel wrapped around your girth is becoming ever more inadequate over the weeks AND walk on wet tiles in a slightly public area is tough.  It evidently became more complicated than my grace and balance could overcome when the floor dipped down to a drain area rather steeply AND my attention was drawn suddenly behind me when a staff member turned on a loud machine of some kind in a room off the shower area.  For a very brief (and yet endless) moment I found myself swaying precariously backwards.  I’m certain you are all relieved that I managed to pull through without actually crashing to the ground.  I cannot say things went so well on the scale, but I have the remainder of this week to see if I can’t repair the damage of the gym-less weekend so I’m going to postpone my distress at the number for today.

Wish me strength over the upcoming holiday (Samhain to me, Halloween to most of the rest of the world) in that I can make it without overindulgence.  Or – hope that my children have managed to learn NOTHING about sharing and refuse every single request their mother may make against the trick-or-treating stash.  Maybe everyone will hand out playdoh.  Not that the 2 year old won’t eat that… but at least it won’t tempt ME.

Speaking of the 2 year old – we spent this weekend trying to get some things around the house cleaned up.  I had a LOT of laundry to do thanks to ever so slowly not getting through it all in the weeks past.  I was busy hanging up laundry items in Ash’s room when the little two were in Gavin’s room and being rather… quiet.  I went in to shoe them out of his room and Jessie came out telling me that Asher had opened the cage to the crickets.  (AKA, Flower food)  I run into the room and there is Asher spraying the water spritzer into the open cricket cage effectively drowning any of the unlucky captives that didn’t make it out when the top came off.  Seems they were thirsty.  While kicking them out of the room and putting the cage back together Jessie admits that she ‘helped’ (duh) and I try to tell them WHY we don’t want to free the Flower food into our house.  I don’t think I got through.  The lid turned into a handy strainer while I dumped the water into the sink and left the crickets in the cage to either live or die as they could.  I then spent the next 10-15 minutes capturing tiny crickets as they ran around Gavin’s room to put them BACK into the now lake-less cage.  I got a number of them but many made their way down in to the vent where I could not get them.  As I later found, they found their way from the vent into the room directly below Gavin’s room (the TV room) and now we have the relaxing sounds of the outdoors conveniently well established in our TV room via much cricket chirping.

So when is the blessed event?

Yep, we can mark that one down – 13 weeks and 5 days – the first stranger comment on the pregnancy.  Being someone that is really very reserved when it comes to striking conversations with strangers (at least, those that I’m not angry with for some reason or another), I have always been put on my toes when I encounter the ‘talker’.  That stranger that will tell everyone next to her about her entire life story.  Anyway, I’m thankful to look pregnant and not just fat.

I have to admit, I was looking forward to being able to get the ‘fun’ maternity clothes this time around.  You know, the non plus-sized ones with things like the band BELOW the belly rather than the 5 yards of fabric in the totally ganny-panty sexy  style of ‘the panel’.    Some shirts that emphasized the baby belly by cinching IN instead of tenting OUT in a billowous tunic that in the right gale might be able to give you free airfare on your next flight to whatever state or providence or country neighbors your own.  I was.  But then I saw something while sitting in the doctor’s office that no one should have to see. 

There I was, reading some political page turner about how Obama’s wife believes in ‘families’ (I personally think that’s a pretty safe thing to state you believe in but whatever), when in she walks.  The girl was very pregnant.  At least, I think she was very pregnant.  She was also quite overweight so, ya know, the margin of error on that one is worth a 2 year old or two.  She was wearing some ‘under the belly band’ maternity pants (again, I THINK she was, I didn’t actually see the band.  They could’ve just been low rise pants) with a zip front hoody.  Her belly.  Not, mind you, her CLOTHED belly but her actual skin exposed belly, was hanging down outside of her sweatshirt and over her pants by a good 4 inches.    I’m not saying that her shirt did not meet her pants.  It did, in fact, it overlapped her pants.  So, here, you wonder… does she not know?  I mean, isn’t it cold?  She leaned up against the counter to check in and in doing so, squished her hanging belly up against the counter… isn’t THAT cold? 

So, anyway, now I’m paranoid about exposing skin between the under the belly band and the shirt.  Not that it is a big deal now.  The thing is, I’m gonna get bigger.  I’m told a LOT bigger.  Maybe those granny-panty panel pants aren’t looking so bad anymore.  Plus, that damn band has a habit of rolling over itself when I’m sitting or bending over so I’m constantly pulling my dumb pants up.  In true spirit of ‘the grass is always greener’, I’ve decided that what I’ve been coveting so in regards to maternity clothes for the non plus-woman is maybe not so totally perfect.

Lastly, because it is my blog, I’d like to brag about how I’ve made it into the gym every day this week.  It is amazing what a difference it makes in your life.  I mean, not just getting the exercise, although I’ve noticed I sleep better at night and am a LITTLE less tired during the day, but also in your outlook.  When I’m putting in the effort, and weighing in each day, I pay so much more attention to what I’m eating.  It takes away the ‘mocha in the morning’ (decaff, of course) draw that I face every time I drive past the shop.   It gives me the resolve to ask myself if I’m actually hungry (in which case, I find something healthy) or if I’m just wanting to eat.  I’m excited that I’ve managed to hold my weight steady over the last week and a half.  Now, not to worry, P and J!  I’m not restricting calories or anything like that at all!  If I’m hungry, I’m eating.  Anyway, I was 176 at my last appointment.  I’m hoping for 180-185 at the next appointment.

BTW – I’ve decided I’m calling these two Luke and Leia.  I know, that will make you think I’m not cool.  Hey, if this is the first indication of that, you aren’t paying much attention anyway.  Leia, because she is the strong womanly type, is baby A, holding up baby B, Luke.  Luke has issue running away from the heart doppler whenever we try to find his heartbeat.  I told P after our last US that the tech told us there was a 50% chance we’d be having a boy and a girl.  He asked if the tech really said that and I repeated that it was, ya know, 50%, so it could go either way.  Hehe.  No, we don’t know the sexes but I’m going with Luke and Leia until told otherwise anyway.

Yuko update, 4 months in

I am now almost exactly 4 months in after the Yuko treatment.  I have to say that it still looks the same as it did to me the day after washing it.  Not AS straight as straight ironing it, but absolutely tamed.  I was worried about this lasting at least 6 months to bring down the cost per month, however I think now that it won’t be an issue.

Part of why I worried is that my hair grows so fast.  That doesn’t seem to be much of an issue here though because the new growth is obviously right at my scalp and is being weighted down by all the rest of my treated hair.  Since I don’t have actually CURLY hair, only frizzier than hell hair, it seems to be growing in without notice.  I cannot see a line where the treatment started or stopped.  Most importantly, I can still wear my hair down with nothing in it and it does not take over my head.  I love that part.

The scary part?  I would really like to go get about 12 inches cut off (another locks of love donation) as it is quite long now.  I’m nervous to do that because those 12 inches will all be treated hair and I could very well be left with enough non-treated new growth to start to frizz out again.  Since I cannot redo the treatment while pregnant (no specific orders on that one, I’m just assuming) I might just wait until April/May to have it cut so that I can redo the treatment at that time if I need to.  Then I think – ack – do I really want to have to have this long hair, getting longer, until May?

I know, I know, you were all bored out of your mind.  Still, I get a few search hits on the Yuko treatment so I wanted to give an update.  I’m still totally in love with it, 4 months later.

I was going to say….

I had been planning on writing today about how my teeth hurt because I’ve been sleeping while breathing with my mouth open because anytime I find myself anything less that vertical, my head decides to become the poster child for congestion.  Am I sick?  No, this happened with the other pregnancies too.  I don’t know why and I don’t really care.  I just know that an entire night with your mouth open and your fragile pregnant gums exposed to dry air means that now I wake up to hold a mouth full of water for a few minutes to try and reintroduce moisture.  Well, I HAD been planning on writing that.

This morning I checked my phone on my way out of the gym.  I don’t get reception there so I always check to see if I got called while in the basement.  I had a voice mail on it that had evidently been left Sunday morning so… ya… clearly I need to check that phone more often.  I listened to my voice mail and it was the totally sweetest little message from J.  He had been out shopping and found this baby store that he was so excited about and he was thinking about the babes and he just wanted to call.  I was very touched by this message.  I was really touched by the part where he said that he wished I was there to share it with him.  See, I like to be involved in general because I’m pretty nosey and overbearing and all that.  On a certain level, at least, I am aware of this character, um, trait.  Generally not enough to avoid doing it, but at least aware.  Thus, I get nervous that I am pushing and inviting myself into people’s lives when maybe it is more my idea than theirs.  OK, probably it is more my idea than theirs.  It was so very touching to have him call and just say that he wished he could share that with me because for once, I could know that it was totally instigated by someone that was NOT myself, and that feels great.  Plus, he was extremely cute in his message.  Thanks J!

I got an e-mail then today from P sharing about when he was telling his coworkers and the response and his excitement and all that as well.  More of the same.  Just very fun to hear.  I couldn’t imagine doing this for a couple that was long distance from me or that didn’t at least talk to me often.  That boost of being able to deal with the downsides of pregnancy with more grace and less whine because you really see what you are doing this for regularly is so awesome.

So while I wanted to talk about how I get winded these days just taking a freaking shower  (Which, to my shock, I found was true even AFTER my 25 minute workout during all of which I was on my feet… I guess showers are just draining.) I guess I can curb my enthusiasm for talking discomforts.  Plus, being at only 13 weeks, I’ve got lots of discomforts to whine about coming.  I made the mistake of reading the bump fairy’s update today (linked on the blogroll) and she really messed with my state of denial for what is to come.

Thanks for the notes, P and J.  I love seeing this through your eyes and very much appriciate how much you are happy to include me.

The effects of mental clarity

I received a joke e-mail today that was very very funny.  It was about all the liberals that are fleeing to Canada due to our whole political issues here in the US.  The thing is, I already have been telling people that I’m totally claiming political asylum in Canada if McCain and Palin win.  For your amusement, I’m copying the lines that I found especially funny:

The possibility of a McCain/Palin election is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O’Reilly.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. ‘Not real effective,’ he said. ‘The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn’t give milk.’

Personally, I’m just irritated that for all of my voting life, I’ve only ever cast ONE vote that was actually FOR someone.  Every other time, I’ve been casting my vote AGAINST someone that I just really really didn’t want to win.  I hate picking the lesser evil but it doesn’t seem there is any other way.  Also, I want to remind people that they don’t HAVE to vote on every section on the ballot.  I have a friend that said she voted for the names on the sections she didn’t know about randomly.  Don’t do that please.  If you don’t know anything about any of the people running, just don’t vote for anyone.  You are not required to fill in every area and it is not very responsible to vote when you don’t know anything about the people running.

I think the bug that the kids brought home from daycare a few weeks back is finally leaving our house.  This is a good thing as I really don’t like feeling sick on top of the pregnancy and, of course, I don’t like my kids to be feeling ill.  Since there has been no more spotting as of late Monday night and since I haven’t been running anymore fevers or anything, I will make yet another attempt to pick up the gym routine. 

This pregnancy has been decidedly harder than all my others.  I don’t know if this is because it actually IS harder with the twins and all, or if part of the discomfort of pregnancy has always been masked by the awe and amazement at adding another child to our family.  Especially in my first, but in the others as well, the changes that have happened and the way I’ve felt have been intricately linked with, well, OMG I’m PREGNANT.  The excitement, the anticipation, the hours or dreaming about what this baby will be like, have all countered the discomfort involved in having your uterus stretch to the extreme detriment of your bladder,  intestines, rib cage, and every other generally important body part sharing your abdomen with the growing baby.  I feel constantly short of breath, ill if I stand in one place for too long, and generally drained.  I’m pretty sure this isn’t all that different from my other pregnancies, however I think because mentally I’m still in the ‘normal’ world and not in the ‘OMG I’m PREGNANT’ world, I can see all these things more clearly.  Like being sober at a BYOB party, the clarity isn’t always all that pleasant.  I think I need to call P and J sometime and get another fix of “OMG we’re PREGNANT” from them.

Our adventures with spot

So, remember when I said all my worry over stopping the PIO shots cold turkey were baseless?  Ya.  Probably, but a strange coincidence followed that.  On Monday I started spotting a little.  Not a lot or anything but it doesn’t really take a lot to completely mess with your head.  I called in to go through the circus of the evil triage gaurd that is there to halt all who wish to speak to the actual doctor on the phone.  After listening to her insist that I must have a bladder infection or that spotting is not that uncommon and anyway I was only 12 weeks along so they couldn’t do anything for the pregnancy and I should just wait and see if it got worse, I finally ended up being annoying persistent enough to get through to the doctor that knew what PIO actually was.  I got to go in for a progesterone test…and…. we got an US scheduled.  I’m telling you people, a little bleeding and it is in the bag.  It strikes me as interesting that I cannot lie about bleeding just to get the US though.  I know full well that it would work and I don’t think I have any ethical issues with it as I certainly have called with the INTENT of doing that a few times.  When it comes down to it though, I don’t do it.  With it actually happening now though, I think I understand why.

Seeing yourself bleeding in pregnancy is traumatic.  I don’t care how little it is, it is traumatic.  Even my 4 year old FLIPS RIGHT OUT if she sees red anywhere on her body, so it isn’t JUST that, but I’m limiting it to pregnancy now.  Well, let’s time travel back to the early morning when I rolled my 39 weeks pregnant body out of bed and turned on the bathroom light and sat on the bathroom throne only to look down and see my pants soaked red to the knees.  See, traumatic.  It’s just not something you play act with.  There’s the fear that if I SAID it, it would end up happening out of kharma and I’d not like that.  So there you have it, my brain has decided, perhaps without formally announcing it to me, that you just don’t lie about bleeding.  So now it really happened and there I was with the offer for an US.  All I could think was, crap. What will I say to P and J?

It is an interesting place to be.  Not wanting to upset anyone and certainly not wanting to admit that my body isn’t doing the most totally perfect job EVER with this, you know that anything less than total and prompt disclosure would not go over well.  It is so funny how we associate our sense of self worth with our fertility abilities.  It isn’t just women.  Guys are all over how manly their sperm make them.  The guilt associated with losing Anily was huge.  Did I have anything to do with this spotting?  Of course not – but I still felt responsible and didn’t want to admit it.  More importantly though, I didn’t want to BUG P and J.  I didn’t want to interrupt their day with my issues.  I didn’t want to make them worry out of their minds about something that most of me thought I was blowing totally out of proportions.  I still had to, and that was all there was to it.  So I called, shared the news, and hey, US, right??!!

They took it very well.  J ran out to be there for the US (in his totally hottie work clothes) and P, who couldn’t get out, was very unhappy about not being able to get out.  After the blood draw for the progesterone test (which I’d get the results for the next day) I asked if I could use the equipment to check for the heartbeats since the US wasn’t for about an hour.  They wouldn’t even answer me outright, they just would say that the doc had 2 patients to see and then he could see me.  Um, I don’t need to see the doc, I know where the equipment is, I can run it myself.  They wouldn’t even just say ‘no’ to me, they just kept saying the doc would be able to see me later.  Well, I didn’t WANT to wait for later, I wanted to hear the heartbeats NOW.  I don’t think they got that.  Eventually, I did see the doc and he got the heartbeats so that was done.  I headed over to the hospital for the US (attached building).

I checked in for the US and got my fancy bracelet ID.  I then waited for J to arrive and them to call us in.  It took FOREVER.  The front desk person said they had just gotten slammed, so sorry for it taking so long.  I was trying to figure out how in the world anyone could get backed up by 45 minutes in the 30 minutes between when they scheduled my appointment and I got there.  Anyway, J excused himself to use the restroom and I told him they’d call us in while he was gone for sure and that he should’ve gone a long time ago.  Sure enough, as soon as he was out of the room, it was our turn.  The US tech (kinda cutie guy) told me to disrobe and use the sheet/gown combo he had laid out for me.  I was a bit confused as I thought I was beyond the whole dildo-cam stage but he said that magic date was 14 weeks, not 12.  Deciding against the full blown temper tantrum that I wanted to throw, I agreed to it sulkily.

We got the US going and there were a few tense moments when we had not yet seen Baby A jump around but A finally did move for us and the heartbeats were well and good.  It was so fun for J to get to see them moving around and being all baby-like!  We did not see any obvious source of bleeding, so that was good.  The US tech told me that he didn’t think we’d need to do the trans-vaginal wand and proceeded to explain why.  He didn’t need to tell me WHY.  He pretty much had me at the proverbial ‘hello’ on that one.  Anyway, in the interest of science, I’ll share his ‘why’.  He said that with twins, everything was easier to see and the uterus was much bigger.  He said it was more like a 24 week uterus than a 12 week uterus.  I could’ve TOLD him that.    Sheesh.  In the end, all we really had to go off of for the potential source of bleeding was that one of the placentas was ‘near’ the cervix. 

In talking with the OB doc again later that night, he said that he doubted very much that it had anything to do with the placenta being near the cervix AND that he would be shocked, at this point, with two placentas and a smaller uterus if there wasn’t some sort of placenta previa going on.  This was good to hear as I’d hate to think a case of placenta previa would force a CSection on me.  Since we didn’t have the progesterone results back, I asked if I should just do a 1cc shot that night (because, evidently, I hate myself) and he agreed that it was a good idea.  I was still spotting about 9PM when I did the shot and by 12AM, no more spotting.  So far, as of right now, there has been no more spotting and I did NOT do another 1cc shot last night.  The progesterone results came back yesterday at about 40-something so the doc said I wouldn’t have to do anymore shots.  I do think though, I was at 100-something with 4ccs.  I went down to 70-something with 3ccs in the early weeks before the placenta started working.  By now with 3ccs AND the placenta working I could’ve easily dropped 100 points in progesterone to go DOWN to the 40s.  Personally, I think that could’ve had something to do with the spotting.  It seems odd that it stopped after the 1cc shot.  We may never know.  Either way, all seems well now.  P and J seemed really glad that I talked to them right away.  I just know that it made me feel guilty.  I know, crazy grown ups.  I’m just glad it all worked out OK.

Wow, what a difference!

Hello!  We are back from the cabin.  I had a nice time up at there, albeit, I was very happy to get back home.  The best year ever for going to the cabin was when we had the RV there and I could shower and use a real bathroom.  Huh, that makes me sound like a girly girl, which I’m not.  Oh well.

The kids did OK on the trip.  Yes, they were generally old enough to enjoy it but they were also old enough to FIGHT with each other.  The car rides were long.  I honestly think something happens to your brain when you are a kid with your siblings because I cannot understand how they can be so rude to each other.  I do remember doing it with my own siblings (And truly, if YOU had to grow up with my big sister, you’d remember it too.) but it still baffles me. 

Gavin spent as much time as the rain would allow out fishing.  He was getting pretty bummed by the end of the trip that he hadn’t even caught a sunny or anything.  He was out on the dock fishing to the last possible second and he FINALLY came running in with a little sunny on his line for a picture before letting it go.  Jessie went out fishing with Gavin, my Mother-In-Law, and Kelly for the one big boat fishing trip they all got in and she was the only one to actually catch anything.. using her little barbie fishing rod, of course.  There was sadly a large Bass that she caught at the end of the trip that ‘tail walked’  (Just repeating what was said to me) as she was reeling it in and it scared her so much that she leg go of the rod.  Big bad Bass made off with said barbie rod and Jessie was very very upset.  She declared an end to fishing for life even though my MIL said they’d get her another rod.  She wanted nothing to do with it.

Later that night, we went out to a nearby store and my MIL brought her to the sporting good section to have her pick out a new rod.  I was certain she’d start crying again and refuse to look at the things but she was very excited to pick out a different rod.  This time we got a little Dora one that floats if it gets dropped in the water.  Asher, of course, needed his own rod and absolutely had to have the spiderman one even though I tried to get him to want the spongebob rod because it also floated.  Gavin, thinking those little ones must be good luck, insisted on a transformers rod so they all got new rods.  Jessie and Asher both had little (Giant, actually, for a sinker… think the size of a small cell phone) fish that came with the rods so we tied those onto the lines and they could play fish in the cabin.  Jessie declaired that hers was ONLY a TOY rod and that she never had to use it to actually fish with.  Asher slept with his and wouldn’t let it go.

Speaking of sleeping, it went better this year than last.  At first we planned on me sleeping in the room with the pack-n-play where Ash would sleep and Jessie insisted on sleeping in the bed with me.  Well, it was pretty clear that Ash would not sleep with me in there so I left and Jessie begged to stay in there.  I said OK, but ONLY if she wouldn’t make any noise.  It worked somewhat OK that first night but Kris ended up going in there to sleep so everyone played musical beds that first night.  The second night Jessie wouldn’t stop talking to Ash as they both started out awake at the same time.  I made her leave (under extreme protest) and Gavin asked if he could sleep in the room with Asher.  So, oddly enough, the two boys fell asleep great, Jessie slept on the couch out in the room with Kris and I, and Kris and I, for the first time since we went to the cabin without any kids at all, got to sleep in the same room.  I would’ve even slept all night (minus runs to the outhouse to pee at night) except that Kris the pyro stoked up the fire so high in the wood burning furnace that it was a million degrees in there (and NOT all that cold outside even) so I had to open the door and try to sleep in the chair closest to the door so I could even breath it was so hot.

That brings me to the other topic, the surrogacy.  So, as all the free world (and then some) knows, I stopped my shots on Friday.  We left to go camping on Friday so all those first few days were out at the cabin.  I think with the worry that I felt over the weekend that had I been home, I’d have probably done a 1cc shot here or there just to wean my system down off the shots.  I couldn’t because I was gone.  So as it was, we went cold turkey on the PIO.  Also on the Estrace pills, but those never seemed to be such a big deal.  Everything seems to still be going well so the concern was baseless, I guess.  Boy, what a difference though!  Now that my system is being left to its own means of distributing hormones, the pregnancy feelings that I’m used to are finally kicking in.  Part of that was me constantly trying to COOL THE HELL DOWN all weekend.  It was rainy and chilly most of the time up at the cabin, even getting down to 40 Degrees F on Friday night.  All I had packed was long pants and long sleeves in anticipation of a cool weekend.  That and my evil husband kept putting fuel on the fire and closing the windows that I would open.   It is also bliss to just go to sleep at night (and just go start your day in the morning) knowing that you don’t have to drag your butt down to the kitchen to prep and administer that shot.

12 weeks and 3 days along.  YAY!  I can sometimes even imagine that I can feel movement in the general area which seems unlikely but it is still fun to think about.  I did keep my word and made it into the gym this morning.  I will absolutely have to find some maternity lycra shorts that I can wear under my regular maternity workout shorts because the support would be good.  I could REALLY tell that I hadn’t been hitting the gym for a long time though.  I dutifully kept my heart rate below the limit for my 25 minute workout and I was still sweating and feeling that workout.  Dang you can lose that edge fast.  I’m also feeling MUCH more energized during the day though such that the old tired feeling isn’t so overbearing.  I am very glad that I made it even though it was very hard to stop hitting snooze on the alarm this morning.  There were also two other women in the gym that I *think* were pregnant… in the earlier stages.  Of course, I had no intention of going up to them and asking when they were due or anything, but it was kinda funny to see that I wasn’t alone with my belly there.